Why I love Crossfit!

I have been doing Crossfit for almost three months and I am slightly addicted even though I stay sore (but it is a good and accomplished type of sore)!  I hate it when something in life comes up that makes me miss a WOD (workout of the day).  Here are some reasons why I love the "cult" called Crossfit:

1) Skinny doesn't matter because "Strong is the new skinny."
2) As soon as you begin you are accepted into the Crossfit family.  You always have a support system to push you along when you are ready to quit in the middle of a workout.
3) It pushes you to your own personal limits and you see results as you beat your own personal records.
4) You feel strong every time you lift weights!
5) It increases your confidence...not only at the box (aka gym) but in every other aspect of life as well.
6) Bacon is not considered a fat in the Crossfit diet!
7) The workouts are always varying.  I never get board with them. 
8)  I legitly hate the workouts when I am doing them.  However, after the workout I think "That sucked but it was so much fun!" I know that is an oxymoron.
9) The ratio of trainers to clients is small.  Thus, when I go to workout I know the trainers will be able to give the attention I need without being overbearing to make sure I am doing the movements right.
10) Every movement works more than one muscle.  Think about it, when you go to most other gyms you isolate each muscle when working out.  It saves time working out multiple muscles with one movement/exercise.  The movements/exercises are also natural movements.  

 During a WOD.  See the look of pain on my face.

What I look like after a WOD. 

Songs of the year...or maybe just the ramblings of a delusional me!

So, one of my old coworkers is posting his favorite songs of the year as his facebook statuses.  This made me think of my favorite songs.  I have put little thought into this blog...but if I had to choose my favorite songs for this year this would be my list in no particular order.  I've included the lyrics that make me love them or a short reason why I love them in parenthesis beside the song.  Try your best not to make fun of me as you read my list!

1. Train- "Marry Me" ("Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you...")
2. Ingrid Michaelson- "You and I" ("Maybe I think you're cute and funny or maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you." I am assuming she is talking about bunny kisses....)
3. Chantal Kreviazuk- "Feels Like Home" (One day, Some day....maybe)
4. Gavin Degraw- "Follow Through" (What isn't to love about any of Gavin's songs?)
5. Disney- "He's a Tramp" (Story of my life!)
6. Garrett Hedlund (Country Strong Soundtrack)- "Give Into Me" (This is probably one of the hottest songs ever...I always have an inner dialogue when this song comes on.  Just so you can fully appreciate how this works I am going to show you...

Song: I’m gonna wear you down 

Me: Are you?
Song: I’m gonna make you see

Me: How ya gonna do that?
Song: I’m gonna get to you

Me: You are?
You’re gonna give into me

Me: Hmmm....
Song: I’m gonna start a fire

Me: How?
You’re gonna feel the heat

Me: Am I now?
Song: I’m gonna burn for you

Me: You are?
Song: You’re gonna melt for me

Me: I am?

7. Whitney Duncan- "Skinny Dippin" (This song still reminds me of my Bear Lake camping trip when it was below freezing outside (long and funny story)...but the lake was so beautiful!)
8. Taylor Swift-"Ours" (Life does make look hard...)
9. Joshua Radin- "I'd Rather Be With You" ("I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water, need to grow older with a girl like you....")
10. Lady Antebellum- "Just a Kiss" (Reminds me of my road trip to Seattle...I must thank my driving partner for singing this with me the whole drive!)
11. Reliant K- "Getting Into You" ("I'm getting into you because you got to me in a way words can't describe....")


Hmm...so, like I said it is late and I am somewhat delusional.  If my list changes tomorrow please forgive me for being fickle.

Thanksgiving

During this month of thanks I have pondered what I am most thankful for.  Many ideas popped into my head: family, religion, and freedom (the norms).  However, today I really do think I finally thought of the things I am most thankful for.  Ready....here they are: hope and potential.  They really do go together.

• I am thankful for the potential I see for the uprising generation and the hope I have that they can reach their potential.  They can really become anyone they want to become and be anything they want to be.  This is important because so many children have so many things going against them but if we can help them realize they power they have to be great things will happen!
• I am thankful for the potential I see in myself and for the times I allow myself to hope.  This is tricky.  It is hard to hope for oneself because the future is so unpredictable.  However, I have seen myself progress in life as I have grown.  This growth allows me to hope.   I hope to improve my times at the gym, continue my education, become a better teacher, become a better family member, or one day have a family of my own.  Hoping can be scary...but I don't know if anything bad can come from just hoping.
• I am thankful for the potential I see in each of my family members and friends.  They are all so amazing and bring so much joy and laughter into my live.  It would be impossible not to hope for the best things for them in life.

In closing, see the potential all around you and continue to hope for the best.  Things don't always go our way but I can't help but to feel that things happen the way they do for a reason.  We aren't always smart enough to figure out what the reason is...but I'd rather think that things don't go my way for a reason instead of thinking they don't go my way because I suck at life.  May you have a wonderful holiday season and see for world and people for what they may become.

21 Suggestions for Success

I love this!  It is so true!

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous.
7. Have a grateful heart.
8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
14. Be loyal.
15. Be honest.
16. Be a self-starter.
17. Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
20. Take good care of those you love.
21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Day 30: What Changed This Month and What You Hope Will Happen Next Month

Welp...I started CrossFit this month and I absolutely love it!  It is hard not to be addicted to it.  I don't always want to go to my workouts but I never regret going.  I feel like my body has improved because of this program.

I have officially been teaching a month as well.  I still struggle with some things, but I am getting to where I need to be.  I have definitely grown.

I moved my records out of my single's branch.   Looks like I am going to be going to family ward for a few months.  I may try to attend the branch more next summer when I am on break.

Day 29: A Picture of Yourself

Day 28: The Month You Were Happiest This Year and Why

I could no sooner pick the sweetest smelling rose...Every month this year has had its perks.

A Quote I Love!

If you are a young man of appropriate age and are not married, don’t waste time in idle pursuits. Get on with life and focus on getting married. Don’t just coast through this period of life. Young men, serve a worthy mission. Then make your highest priority finding a worthy, eternal companion. When you find you are developing an interest in a young woman, show her that you are an exceptional person that she would find interesting to know better. Take her to places that are worthwhile. Show some ingenuity. If you want to have a wonderful wife, you need to have her see you as a wonderful man and prospective husband.

Richard G. Scott

Ha!  I love this quote.  I have been on a few dates in my life and it seems like the young man usually shows me how lame or incompetent he is.  I could tell a few stories about the unusual boys (I don't think I can even call them men) I have went out with in my life.  If he can even trick me into thinking he is interesting then I may become interested in him..and who wouldn't want me to be interested in them?  But then again..maybe I am too superficial...I like to think I don't expect more out a guy than I expect out of myself.

Day 27: Talk About Your Siblings

Renee':  Renee is the little mother.  She is the oldest of all us children and definitively has a nurturing quality about her.  She is also probably one of the most opinionated of my siblings.  If you need something taken care of, Renee can get it done!  I can also honestly say that Renee' is a hard worker and a great mother as well.  She has so many great characteristics that make her an exceptional person.

Mike:  When I think of Mike I think of a level headed person.  He is really good at making business and financial decisions. This could come natural or it could be because of his secondary education.  Although I don't talk to Mike much, I know he loves his family.  I definitively believe family is important to him and that he would do anything for his siblings as long as they were doing the things they needed to be doing to help themselves.

Sandra: Sandra is the only person in my family who knows what it feels like to be me, meaning 27 and single.  She waited until she was 29 to get married and found the perfect person for her.  Sandra is kind and loving.  She can be very harshly honest and opinionated at times but I admire the fact that she isn't scared to tell you how she feels.  She really seems to be comfortable in her own skin.

James: I don't know if it is possible for someone not to like James.  He is such an easy going person.  I remember coveting his people skills when I was younger.  He is also very intelligent.  In high school he seemed to get all A's with little effort.  He is now in dental school and finishes next year.  Then, he will specialize.  He really is accomplished for his age.

Charity:  Charity is the baby of the family.  We love her and all seem to want to take care of her even though she is capable of taking care of herself.  She is a big optimist.  Like James, people are drawn to her smile and personality.  I love laughing and hanging out with Charity. 

All my siblings are great.  I feel like I can honestly say that my sisters are my best friends and I would rather hang out with them then lots of other people.  I also know that my brothers are some of the most amazing and caring men out there.  They all have very lucky spouses!

Day 26: Your Religious Beliefs

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the only true church on the face of the Earth today.  We have a prophet living on the Earth who guides and directs us.  I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and He knows and loves me.  This means I have a divine heritage. I know that Jesus Christ came to this Earth and atoned for my sins.  I love him so much for doing so.  Although he atoned for my sins, I still must live my best life...for it is by faith and works that we are saved. Jesus Christ lives!  He was resurrected. I believe that the family unit is essential.  Families can be together forever!  I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith and instructed him.  Because of this, the church was restored.  I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and should be studied as a companion to the Holy Bible.  When we study the teachings of our Savior we learn how to be like him and how to obtain true happiness. 

I am grateful that I was taught these principals as a young lady and as I have grown older I have been given the opportunity to study them out so I can know for myself.  I do not believe these things because my family believes them or they are the only teachings I have been exposed to.  I have searched out other religions and studied them looking for the best in each.  I have questioned my own beliefs.  Through this process I gained a testimony and came to realize the truthfulness of these beliefs.

Day 25: Ten Ways to Win Your Heart

1) Love my nieces and nephews
2) Be honest with me...but not harsh
3) Cuddle me
4) Make me laugh
5) Don't be scared to be goofy
6) Just listen to me when I talk...even if I am being crazy
7) Let me see you playing with kids
8) Smile
9) Be optimisitic
10) Be sincere

Day 24: Weird Things You Do When You Are Alone

I am always doing weird things.  Here are probably two of the weirdest things I do when I am alone:
1) Look in the mirror and alternate between sucking in my gut and sticking it out while saying, "Skinny Becky, Fat Becky."
2) If I am alone chances are I am not wearing clothes...TMI I know.

Day 23: Something You Wonder "What If" About

Oh the things I wonder "What if?" about!
1) What if I would have went to BYU-Idaho right out of high school?  I would have probably missed out on a lot of experiences I had as a paramedic and may not even be a teacher now...but I wonder what would have happened and what I would be doing with my life now if I would have just went.
2) What if I would have went to med school?  I miss the medical profession a lot and know I could have been a wonderful physician.  However, I would not have grown and learned the things I learned as I have progressed to become an educator.
3)What if I would have asked a boy out or if a boy would have liked me in return?  I wonder about past relationships and almost relationships.

Day 22: Ten Things About You People Dont' Expect

1) I'm can be extremely bold  or extremely shy depending on if I care what your opinion of me is.  Generally, I am shy at first and become more "me" the more comfortable I am around you.
2) I really don't enjoy eating meat that much.  It's not that I am a vegetarian but I prefer fruits, vegetables, and breads when I eat.
3) I feel like I am still discovering who I am.  Sometimes I wonder if I have let others mold me into who I am because I have such a strong desire to be liked and to please other people.
4) I am picky when it comes to choosing boys for me to like...but when I am secure in a relationship I fall way to fast.
5) I feel guilty when I am not productive.
6) I hate being alone (even sleeping alone) and don't think I could ever live by myself.  I would be scared the whole time.
7) I am not a risk taker at all.  I won't even let myself try to be someone's friend if I don't think they will return the gesture.  This could be because of my insecurities.
8) I will bridge jump and do other crazy things...but I don't think I would do them if I weren't trying to impress someone.
9) I wonder if I am really a "country girl" even though I was born and raised in the country.
10) One of my top fears is rejection.

Day 21: Something You Can't Seem To Get Over

This is a hard one.  I think there are a lot of things that "I can't seem to get over" but I put on a strong face and act like they don't bother me much at all by joking around and laughing about the things.  I want to make the best out of life and I know dwelling on things can drag me down.  I think the hardest things for me to get over are the "What ifs?" in life.  I haven't always make the best choices in my past and I wonder how my life would be different if I had made different choices.  But...if I dwell on the past I will miss out on the present.

Day 20: The Last Argument You Had

It is best to forgive and forget...so I try to forget arguments I have had and move on with my life.

Day 18: Disrespecting Parents

I got a little out of order...evidently I can't count.  Anyways I am backtracking to catch up.

I think it is tacky to disrespect one's parents.  It isn't worth it.  Love em and agree to disagree with them...but don't disrespect them.

Day 19: Something That Never Fails to Make You Feel Better

I know I am blogging Day 18 a few hours early...but I am bored.  Forgive me.
Is there just one thing that can make someone feel better?  Here is my 5 step remedy to days that convince you that live sucks:
1) Call up a close friend and talk.
2) Meet up with that friend and eat Ben and Jerry's (Phish Food) and drink Red Bulls and complain about how other people suck and discuss how amazing I am.  We also laugh a lot during this conversation as we turn the irritating situation into a joke.
3) If the issue is caused by a boy...find another boy to randomly hook up (ncmo) with...or at least getting some kind of physical affection...even if it is just cuddling with one of my guy friends (Is this messed up?)
4) Because I begin to feel guilty about eating so much food, I go to the gym and exercise out my frustration.
5) By this time I have forgotten why I was down and can get back to normal life.

Day 17: Things That Make You Scared

1) The Unknown:  The unknown is so scary.  I never pictured my life turning out the way it has.  Don't get me wrong...I like life but there are some things in life I would like to happen to me that just haven't happened to/for me yet.  Hopefully the things I want to happen will happen one day but if they don't, I will just keep on living every day to the fullest and taking advantage of everything I do have.
2) Snakes: The creepy and crawly!  I don't care to get close enough to one to see if it is poisonous.  Just the thought of a snake makes me cringe.
3) Creeping Obesity:  I remember a poster from my high school wellness class of a woman who gained a little weight each year.  She got bigger and bigger and...well you get the picture.  I want to be healthy and I often associate size with health. (Yes, I know this is superficial.)

Day 16: Three Things You Are Proud About Your Personality

1. I'm determined
2. I'm caring
3. I'm try not to complain...much

Day 15: The Best Thing That Happened to You This Week

My 15 month old nephew giving me loves and ignoring everyone else who wanted his attention.

Day 14: Something Disgusting to You

Here are the ones that I think are most common among society
1) Dirty dishes (I lived with people who delayed doing dishes...I even had one roommate who would let food rot and mold in her room on it's plate in it's bowl.)
2) A dirty house (Seriously...clean up after yourself...it doesn't have to be spotless but keep it together.)
3) Smoking, drinking, and drugs (enough said)
4) Not taking care of yourself (e.g. poor hygiene)

I could probably think of a few more...but I don't want to sound like a pessimist. 

Day 13: A Date You Would Love To Go On

This is a hard one.  Are we talking about first dates or a date with someone you have been dating for a little while?  My favorite dates are the ones where you really get to know the person you are with better.  Just the other day I was walking in at Cyprus Grove, a nature park, and thought what an amazing date it would be just to walk and talk there.  However, if I had been dating someone for a while I think camping out together would be an ideal date.  I would get to see that person in a different light and dating is about getting to know the other person better.

Day 12: Things You Want to Say to an Ex

1) I don't hate you...so please don't think I do.  Even though I think about you often and would love to have contact with you, I choose not to because I don't want to have to stop talking to you again when another wonderful man enters my life ( I feel like this is just a part of respecting him...even if he turns into an ex as well :)
2) Thank you for helping me improve myself.  I know that you helped me realize aspects of my life I can make better and pushed me to improve.
3) Thanks for not letting our relationship progress.  As I am sure you have already figured out I am probably the best girl you will ever even meet and get the privilege to date.  You lost out.  However, I know that their are guys better than you out there.  I am glad I didn't settle.  But none-the-less I hope you meet someone to share your happily ever after with...you will just have to be taunted by the fact she isn't as amazing as me.

And finally...I will leave you with a song

Day 11: Your Current Relationship (or for all the losers out there talk about how being single is)

Welp...I am one of those losers who gets to discuss how being single is.

To me being single is bittersweet.  Because I am single I have all the time in the world to do what I want to do.  This is nice...except when I don't know what I want to do and feel guilty for being idle.  Then I wish I had somebody to do something with because I have a hard time motivating myself.  However, it is nice because I really have the time to get to know myself and evaluate where I am in life and the more I evaluate the more I realize why I am single.  I am emotionally closed off to people (I have trust issues in relationships...dating a cheater will do that to you, I have communication issues, and I have to become more self reliant.)  I really do believe that I am single for a reason and that reason is to find ways to improve myself and I continue to get to know myself.  So yes, I'll admit I wish I had a someone to cuddle up to at during movies and at night and I REALLY miss kissing (I must admit I think I am pretty good at cuddling and kissing).  But, I am learning to be okay without those things and embrace becoming the woman I want to be.

Day 10: Your View on Drugs and Alcohol

Don't do it!!!  I don't understand why anyone would want to alter their mental state on purpose.  It is just ignorant.  People seem to always do things they regret when under the influence of these chemicals.  While I am at it...Tobacco is Toxic as well.  Treat your body well it will do the same thing to you.  You don't need various chemicals to make you happy.  All you have to do is live your life to the fullest.  That's what I do...live the dream.

Day 9: Your Last Kiss

Define kiss.  In another words, what type of kiss are we talking about?  My nieces and nephews give me lots of innocent kisses when I am around them.  However, something tells me that I should make this somewhat (you're not going to get much more out of me) more interesting than telling you about slobbery kisses from one-year-olds.  So, here we go (Well here is one I will fess up to anyways...I don't want anyone thinking I am a lip slut. Just remember there is a difference between being a lip slut and being easy.)

I would say my last kiss was in my car in Rexburg.  I was with a old "friend" (I am still unsure if we were just make-out buddies or dating...that shows what a bad communicator I am...but that is a whole different story.) and we had decided it was best not to be friends just a week earlier.  Anyways, I went to Rexburg to see another friend and of course ended up seeing this kid.  We had a fun weekend and of course ended up kissing more than we probably should have.  To make a long story short on my way back to Boise we decided not to be friends anymore and then I hit a dog on the interstate.   Life sucks sometimes but the important thing is that my life rocks right now...even if I haven't kissed a boy in a few weeks.

Day 8: Something You are Currently Worrying About

I have been teaching for almost three weeks now.  My biggest worry is that I am an inadequate teacher.  The students I am working with are a totally different breed than the ones I worked with while I was in school.  I feel like my classroom management is lacking and my lessons are missing something.  I want to do so much for my students and really have them ready to move on to third grade next year but it is hard when they have little support outside of the school.  Then I worry about their home lives.  I care about them a lot and want to make sure that they are being taken care of. 

Day 7: Your Opinion on Cheating People

Oh the things I could say for this one...
As far as people that cheat in relationships: You're selfish and should probably grow up
As far as people cheating in school: Your grade won't help you in the "real world" after graduation
As far as people who cheat others by being unfair: What comes around goes around

Day Six: The Person You Like and Why You Like Them

Does this mean someone I have a crush on? Simply because, I currently do not have a crush on anyone. But there are some people in my life I like a lot! Here is my list:
My family:
They are painfully honest with me which irritates the crap out of me but I love them for being willing to risk hurting my feelings to help me become a better person.  It is also reassuring to know that they will always be there for me...regardless of what stupid things I do.

My Friends From School:
I miss my little group of friends.  I miss our movie nights and I miss cuddling with them as we star gazed on the dock at Beaver Dick. They didn't judge me when I was super awkward and they can make me laugh on my worst days.  I truly do love these friends.

Day 5: Five Things That Irritate You About The Opposite Sex

Why think of the negative?  Besides...the opposite sex hasn't annoyed me lately...maybe this is a post that should be blogged about after a guy upsets me over something so miniscule it won't matter in a week.

Day 4: What you wear to bed

Ha!  Wouldn't you like to know....

Day 3: What Kind of Person Attracts You?

I may be boy crazy but I am also pretty picky.  Its not that I can't admire a nice looking man.  I watched THOR the other night and really enjoyed the scene when he has not shirt on.  (A must see for any lady who can appreciate a beautiful body.)  However, when it comes down to it, I only look unless the terribly attractive guy has these characteristics:
1) I know it probably doesn't have to be said but I am saying it...most importantly our religious believes have to mesh.  He needs to be a strong and faithful member of my church.
2) SMART!  I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone I am incapable of having an intelligent conversation with.
3) SUCCESSFUL!  Okay...so maybe he isn't finished with college yet or maybe he has been working for years.  What ever the case I need to know that he has drive and motivation.  He has to want to continuously improve himself.  Still...I don't care if he is is college or done with school he must (and I do mean must) have a JOB!
4) HEALTHY! (but not a health nut please) So maybe when I am interested in a guy I automatically check out his veins and his neck (to see if he would more than likely be an easy intubation).  You never know if he will need a quick IV or an E.T. tube.  Then, I wonder about his family's medical history.  I don't want lots of hereditary diseases to possible be passed on to my children.  Call me crazy but I call it natural selection.
5)  FUNNY!  If I am going to be possibly spending a lot of time with a guy I need to know that he can make me laugh.  Hopefully if he can I won't be able to stay mad at him for too terribly long.
6) EAGLE SCOUT!  So, I don't know why the thought of an Eagle Scout is so attractive.  Maybe it is because I associate it with being able to do things.
7) A HANDY MAN! (but with clean nails and smooth hands please)  I am not attracted to blue collar workers as far as long term relationships go.  But, if I can find a white collar worker who is not afraid to use "blue collar" skills around the house (and knows what he is doing) I find it terribly sexy.
8) GOOD WITH KIDS!  I'll admit it...I want to be a mom one day.  Thus, I am attracted to guys who can have fun with kids and also take care of them.  I don't want my children to have slacker as a father.
9) ATTRACTIVE!  Does he have to be THOR...nah (not that I wouldn't love that)  But I do have to find him attractive. (Plus...if I have kids one day I want them to be the most attractive kids around.)

Now we know why I am still single.  Have a great day!

Day 2: How You Have Changed in the Past Two Years

Maybe the question should be how haven't I changed (i.e. I grew up and discovered myself).  Enough said.

Day 1: Things You Want to Say to Five People

I like to think that I usually say what I mean and mean what I say.  When I don't say something I usually have a pretty good reason for not saying it. Actually, does fear count as a "good" reason?  I can't pick every member of my family (because I come from a gigantic family) or else I would.  With that being said, here I go.

My Mom

I am pretty sure I have the best mom in the world.  Somehow she manages to drive me crazy and still be one of my best friends.  I think that is what moms are supposed to do.  Mom has always been there for me even when I am crazy.  Believe me, I can be pretty crazy!  So here is what I have to say to my mom:
Dear Mom,
The suspicions are true: I get all of my crazy from you.  You really are crazy, but it is a good crazy.  You are an amazing woman and have provided me with a great example of the type of person I have the potential to become.

Ginny, My Niece

Just to make it clear, I am not playing favorites with my nieces or nephews.  Ginny is the oldest one so she immediently came to my mind.
Dear Ginny,
Remember who you are and who you want to become!  Never loose sight of your dreams.  They really can come true...we just have to work a little for them.  You shine so brightly.  Never trade in your luster for things that can only make you happy temporarily.

President Obama

Dear Mr. President, 

I don't really understand politics but I hear you are messing up our country.  Please stop and fix any problems you have caused.  You may also choose to fix problems caused by former presidents.  

Random Teacher at BYU-I

When I had too many credits to get into the nursing program I went to see my academic adviser.  I forgot her name.  Anyways, we prayed together and she encouraged me to continue praying  to seek an answer for the academic path I should pursue.

Dear Random Teacher,

Remember when you made me pray about a career and I got an answer I didn't want to hear?  Well, I listened and now I am a teacher.  I am still trying to figure out why I am a teacher and think it may be one of the hardest careers out there and lowest paid, not that I am bitter. Just wanted to let you know how things turned out for me.

Myself

Is it vain that I want to say something to myself?  Maybe typing to myself makes me somewhat schizophrenic.
Dear Me,
Keep calm and carry on.  One day you will get it all done...maybe.

30 Day Challenge

My friend, Danielle did this challenge and I found it quite fascinating.  Then I wondered if I could actually do it and keep up.  There is only one way to find out!  So here we go.  Let the blogging begin!

30 Day Challenge

1. things you want to say to five different people.

2. how have you changed in the past two years?

3. what kinda person attracts you?

4. what you wear to bed.

5. five things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.

6. the person you like and why you like them.

7. your opinion on cheating on people.

8. something you’re currently worrying about.

9. your last kiss.

10. your view on drugs and alcohol.

11. your current relationship, if single discuss how being single is.

12. things you want to say to an ex.

13. a date you would love to go on.

14. something disgusting you do.

15. the best thing to happen to you this week.

16. three things you are proud about your personality.

17. things that make you scared.

18. disrespecting parents.

19. something that never fails to make you feel better.

20. the last argument you had.

21. something you can’t seem to get over.

22. ten things about you people don’t really expect.

23. something you always think “what if..” about

24. weird things you do when you’re alone.

25. ten ways to win your heart.

26. your religious beliefs.

27. talk about your siblings.

28. the month you were happiest this year and why.

29. a picture of yourself.

30. what changed this month and what you hope will happen next month.

The Past Week

Well, I FINALLY got a job! I am so excited about this job because it is ideal for me. This is my first year teaching and I am team teaching with great teacher. We have 24 second graders. It is definitely a challenge and I often wonder leave work wondering what I was thinking when I choose to become a teacher. Then I remember how much I love those stinking kids already even if I do struggle with classroom management at times. The kids naturally want to talk and let's be honest some subjects are just boring no matter how hard you try to make them interesting. I think I make at least 2-3 kids cry a day when I redirect them. No, I am not mean; they are just sensitive. I have already learned a lot this past week though. I think I am growing as a teacher. Just imagine how good I will be in 10 years! The most important thing I have learned this week is to smile and laugh whenever I can. I know that if I work hard that all my hard work will pay off. One of my teachers gave me a star I keep in my desk to go along with this poem:

The Star Polisher 

I have a great job in the universe of occupations. What do I do? I'm a "star polisher."

It's a very important job. If you want to know how important my job is, just go out at night and look at the stars twinkling and sparkling. 

You see, I'm a teacher. The stars are the children in my class. My job is to take them in - in whatever shape they come - and shine and buff them and then send them out to take their places as bright little twinkling beacons in the sky. 

They come into my room in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they're bent, tarnished, dirty, crinkly and broken. Some stars are cuddly, soft and sweet. Some stars are prickly and thorny.

As I buff, polish, train and teach my little stars, I tell them that the world cannot do without them. I tell them they can do anything they set their minds to do. I tell them they can be the brightest, shiniest stars in the sky and the world will be a better place because of them. 

Each night as I look at the sky, I'm reminded of my very important job and awesome responsibility. I go and get my soft buffing cloth and my bottle of polish in preparation for tomorrow and for my class of little stars. 

By Leah Becks 

This poem really does help me get through the day.  I love the kids a ton!  They are all so beautiful and amazing!  I truly am excited to see how much more I grow over the next year.

What Ten Years Taught Me...9/11

Tomorrow marks the ten year anniversary of a day that changed America, September 11, 2001.  It is hard to believe it has been ten years.  I still remember sitting in the library at South Side High School my senior year and working on a magazine drive.  One of my fellow students came in the room and told us that the Twin Towers had just been struck by a plane.  At the time, I didn't understand the significance of this event.  It took a while for me to realize the importance of that morning.  Our wonderful country had just been struck.  I don't think I had ever known anything about other than peace and prosperity in America.

Of course I was bitter and angry after the attack on America.  I suddenly became prejudice.  It was difficult to not be nervous or suspicious around people of various races.  Television was filled with footage of 9/11 and rumors of other conspiracies ran rapid.  The country seemed to always be on terror alert, rather it was high or low.  My life was surely forever changed.

I started EMT/Paramedic school in the fall of 2002, just one year after the attack.  It was at that time I started to associate with some of the most amazing people.  They were EMT's, Paramedics, and Firefighters.  These people helped me further gain an appreciation for the efforts so many brave men and women put forth on 9/11 and for the following days.  I learned how it felt for people to really rely on you and the service you could offer them.  When people are in trouble, they often call 911.  I got to be the person to respond.  It was not hard to imagine how the brave men and women that responded to the attack on 9/11 felt as me and my co-workers rushed to each call.  I learned the importance of my fellowman, the service they offer, and the service I can offer others, even if it is as simple as smiling at everyone.

I also gained an appreciation of human life.  Not just the lives of others, but my own life.  I learned that I must make the most of everyday.  I am still working on this one.  Life is full of surprises and there is no way to predict what it has in store for us or our loved us.  Thus, appreciate each and every day.  Live your life to the fullest.  Love yourself.  Let others know you appreciate them and love them.  Be grateful.  Finally, be your best self, even when it is hard.

Finally, know what you stand for and why you stand for it.  It is difficult to believe that the people who can vote this year were only eight years old when the Twin Towers were struck.  They may not remember the horror Americans felt on that day.  They may only vaguely remember the attack.  Don't stand for something because others stand for it.  Stand for something because you have questioned it and researched it.  Stand for something because it is part of who you are, not who others want you to be.

Hopefully we will all take a moment tomorrow and remember.  Remember what it means to be an American.  Remember the brave efforts of those who gave their lives to help others ten years ago.  Remember the families who lost loved ones ten years ago.  Remember the soldiers who have and will continue to fight for our freedom.  Remember how fragile life is.  And most of all, remember to be grateful for everything good life has to offer.

From the Mouth of Bob Marely

Evidently the great singer had more to tell us then, "Don't worry, Be happy."  This is a quote I found on one of my new favorite websites (www.pininterst.com) that I absolutely love.  So here we go, from the mouth of the one and only Bob Marley:

He's not perfect.

You're not either,

and the two of you will never be perfect.

But, if he can make you laugh at least once,

Causes you to think twice, 

and if he admits to being human and making mistakes,

Hold on to him and give him the most you can.

He isn't going to quote poetry,

He isn't thinking about you every moment,

But he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.

Don't hurt him,

Don't change him,

And don't expect more than he can give.

Don't analyze.

Smile when he makes you happy,

Yell when he makes you mad,

And miss him when he's not there.

Love hard when there is love to be had.

Because perfect guys don't exist,

But there's always one guy that is perfect for you.

-Bob Marley

Why I love life

I love my family and life (90% of the time). Here are a few reasons why:

1. I gave a talk in sacrament meeting on Sunday. When I got home my mom told me that my grandfather, who is of a different faith, told her that he heard I was preaching today.
2. I sleep in a moo moo a lot of times. My little sister and I joke about how so many people in the south wear them. She said, "Moo Moo's are more than just a piece of clothing, they are an attitude/way of life." I loved that! Then while driving home this afternoon I saw a lady walking around outside in just her moo moo. Tell me she didn't have attitude/personality!
3. I got to talk to my Japanese sister today. We were talking about our "boy" life. I expressed my frustrations because there weren't a lot of guys in my area I would be interested in. Then I told her that I was also concerned that maybe I was too picky/superficial. Her response was, "You are a successful woman. You should be picky because you are not cheap!" I loved that response because it reminded me that it is okay to be picky and that I shouldn't settle.

It's Been a While

I feel like I haven't blogged in just about forever. Although I am not staying too terrible busy time is flying by. I am still looking for a job. We will see how things turn out. I hope that all turns out well for me. The single's branch gave me a calling today and I am excited about it. I also had the opportunity to speak in sacrament meeting. The talk seemed to go well. Otherwise, life is good. I watched every season of "Scrubs" this month and have even read a few books. I am loving being around all the nieces and nephews. They are fun to be around but they can tire me out very quickly. They are so much fun! Anyways, that is my life...Hope yours is going just as well.

To the Single Ladies...

For all you single ladies who are in such a hurry to get married, here's a quick piece of Biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate, Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. Please, wait on your Boaz & make sure he respects Yoaz.

The Good Life

Welp, most of you know I am back in Tennessee. Adjusting to being back home hasn't been the easiest thing for me. Part of it is because I feel like I am starting over again and part of it is because I never imagined my life turning out like this. The irony of life may never stop surprising me. If I gave examples this blog would turn into a pity party...and that is not why I am writing this blog. The purpose behind this blog is to give you an update. I have had some higher moments since I've been home. The garden at home provided me with the opportunity to shuck corn with my dad and pick green beans with my nephew. I have also had to opportunity to go on a few dates which have been fun. Recently, I also got to operate a zero turn lawn mower. Scariest experience of my life!!!! I thought I was going to die. I guess the point of this blog is that I should probably focus on the positive and good experiences that I have in my day to day life and find ways to laugh...even when life doesn't go my way. Because let's be honest...how often does life go our way?

To the Fashion World

This is just a quick vent to those who design clothes and jewelry.

I love clothes and REAL jewelry. What girl doesn't? And while my taste may not be the best, I would still like to be able to dress and accessorize myself without assistance. So, may I just say that I hate how you make some jewelry impossible to clasp (necklaces and bracelets) and some dresses harder to zip due to zipper location. I cannot see the clasp of a necklace as I put it on and I cannot reach to pull up a zipper that goes all the way up my back without a struggle. So, please remember when you are designing dresses and accessories that not every girl has someone who can help her get dressed. But if you are wondering...I was able to dress myself yesterday without a struggle and look presentable...it just took me a while longer to get my dress zipped and my necklace and bracelet to clasp.

Things I'll Miss

Welp, I am officially back home in Tennessee. That's right, I moved back in with the parentals. I am so excited to be back home but there are some things I will miss about Idaho. Here they are:

1) The great friends I made at college (Shane, Sven, Mike, Megs...)
2) Getting my tires rotated for free (Les Schwab)
3) Tillamook cheese and ice cream
4) Zoi Greek Yogurt
5) Winco's bulk section
6) Sarah's Candy Cottage (candy and employees)
7) Having a temple so close (literally right outside my apartment)
8) Going to class (Yes, I miss that too!)
9) Jamba Juice

But Tennessee is great! It is where my family is. I am excited to make more memories in the state I grew up in.

It's Britney!

I love Britney Spears and this past week I flew to Tacoma, Washington to see her in concert. The concert was amazing. I got to go with one of my best friends in the whole world, Mike. I don't think I can have a bad time when we are together no matter what. He really is so much fun to hang out with. One of the best things about the concert was crowd watching. There were so many trashy people there and homosexuals there. I even took a picture with one! Enjoy the pics!

Me, one of Mike's friend, and a random guy.

Mike and I

Mike, his friend, and me

SKS Syndrome

SKS, commonly known as Smitten Kitten Syndrome, seems to be spreading rapidly. I won't say I have never had SKS, but it has never worked out well for me. So, I want to offer a word of warning to those who have this SKS...guard yourself...it is probably not worth it. Not that I am trying to be negative...but look at the relationships in your life. Now compare the ones that worked to the ones that didn't work. Chances are if you are in a long term relationship (A.K.A happily married) you can only say one worked. If you are not than the ratio is zero to how many failed relationships you have been in. (This could be 0:1, 0:5, 0:10.) Think about it...the odds are not in your favor. So, before you get SKS, you may want to reconsider what you are getting yourself in to.

Better Late Than Never...Happy Father's Day

We had all my students write a bio poem about their dads for Father's Day. I wanted to write one about my dad as well (because he rocks). Be warned that I only had a few minutes to write this. So here it is:

John

Successful, Handsome, Loving, Strong

Father of Renee’, Michael, Sandra, James, Rebekah, and Charity.

Lover of nature, family, and the gospel.

Who feels excited to serve others, peaceful when reading his scriptures, and full after eating mom’s good cooking.

Who fears nothing.

Who would like to see his kids get along when they are together, his cholesterol at a healthy level, and his family living close to him.

Who lives for family.

Eaton

This is my senses poem I wrote about family:

Family looks like an endless meadow.

Family sounds like laughter around a campfire.

Family feels like a thick, warm quilt, nice to have around when needed and feels smothering at other times.

Family tastes like Sour Patch Kids…first they’re sour, then they’re sweet

Family smells like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

Photo Overload

Releasing butterflies while student teaching

The gum wall in Seattle

Me and on of my besties, Mike

The two-wheeler ride...who needs the fair?

Me and one of my besties, Shane, at the Seattle Ferry Dock

My favorite teacher/hero, Sister Kay and I

After I got my diploma...well diploma cover

Stick a Fork in Me

Welp...time to enter the real world. I am officially DONE with student teaching.

On the other hand, I still have no idea what I am going to do with my life now. I am super excited about seeing my family. I miss them a lot...especially all my nieces and nephews. I really do have the best family in the world. I know that I can honestly count on them to be there for me...even after I make a bad choice. My siblings and parents rock. It will be amazing to be so close to some of my best friends in the whole wide world! All my siblings will be back home with the exception of my oldest brother.

Seven Days Left

Only seven days left of school...that means only seven days left of student teaching...that means only seven days before I am officially finished with college...that means I should probably figure out what to do with my life...Does that make me a grown up?

Thinking about Love

So, I think a lot about love...Here are some of my random thoughts.

I've been thinking a lot about the quote I blogged about a few weeks ago, "Choose your love. Then, love your choice every day." There are times in my life when I feel unlovable because that special someone hasn't came into my life yet. I counted at least four boys I have loved in my life, some by choice and some I "fell" for. Then I wondered, "Why didn't these boys choose to love me in return?" I don't know. Maybe they were too scared. Maybe they were too superficial. Maybe they were too selfish. Maybe they didn't know how to receive or return love. For whatever reason these boys chose not to love me in return. At first, I was somewhat bitter. Then, I was just comforted. I learned something from each of these guys. So, yeah, I should thank them. After all, like Sandra said, "There always has to be the ones before the one." (P.S. Boys, I am the last single Eaton woman on the market....and we are the best there is out there...You should be fighting for my affections....)

Then a few weeks ago after a guy decided he didn't like me one of my male friends said, "Beke, He's an idiot because you are the best girl out there." I got bitter because I thought, "Evidently not! If I were you would be with me!" I wish people didn't say things they didn't mean.

My last little rant is how I often say I don't believe in love. We all know that this is a lie. Sometimes I lie to myself or others about feelings to make me feel better. However, I don't want to lie. I just want to be me. I don't want to be who a person wants me to be. They are either going to like me or not. If not, then I don't need them in my crazy, messed up life. Do I believe in love? Yes! Have I experienced true love? I don't know. I like to think so. Maybe not with all four guys I say I have loved...but with one or two of them.

Goodbye May--Hello June

May was definitely not my best month (but at least the world didn't end as predicted)! The good news is that it is over! I am super excited about June.

Why?

1. I officially finish student teaching in June. Actually, I am done with student teaching in two and a half weeks...not that I am counting. Then I am going to hang out in Boise for a while.
2. At the end of June, June 29 to be exact, I am flying out to Tacoma (Seattle) to see Britney Spears in concert with one of my best friends!!!!! I am so excited to see her! She may be one of my girl crushes.
3. Charity and Riley also come out to visit in June! Yay!

So, May
YOU SUCKED
(Only Really)
and
June
BE PREPARED TO ROCK MY WORLD!

Stupidity

Another quick vent:
I hate to see people make dumb choices. Yet, I see it all the time. These people have no clue that their choices are dumb. Why? Because they are lovestoned. Don't get me wrong, I've been lovestoned before and made the dumbest of choices. Thus, I know where these people are coming from. (I am proud to say that since my experience I have chosen to be realistic and stay off of "love weed".)

Anyways, my message is: Don't let yourself become lovestoned. You should choose love and choose to be "sober" while experiencing it.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Me and My Birthday Present to Myself
(A right hand ring)

It is exactly one week until my official birthday. I love my birthday and believe that one day is not enough time to celebrate it. So, tonight I went out and bought myself a birthday present. I have been wanting a right hand diamond ring for a while. Thus, tonight I sent out on a quest to find one. I tried on a few but I couldn't find one that worked perfectly on my hand. Then, it happened. The jewelry lady brought out a white sapphire ring for me to try on. I tried it one and immediately fell in love with the way it looked on my hand. It was like the ring was made for me. It was also a really, really great price. So, of course I didn't hesitate to buy it. I don't think it looks too gaudy, which is nice. I have tried to take pictures to share with ya'll but light reflects off the stones so I can't. I am sad it is sapphires and not diamonds, but it is still beautiful. Maybe I will get myself a diamond right hand ring for my graduation present. As for now, I will keep admiring my great find I purchased as a birthday present to me. I wonder what I will get for myself to celebrate tomorrow...

The End of the World...Oh My

So, evidently there are some who believe that the end of the world is coming this week. I hope not...I want to actually see my college diploma before the world ends! I worked too terribly hard for it. If the world ended, I would be in decent shape overall. This talk about the world ending made me remember an experience I had in an English class after reading the book Tuesdays with Morrie. For those who haven't read it, read it! The class was an emotional class where we did a simulation as if we were in a cave and we got trapped as a class and would die. We had a few minutes to write our last thoughts. My letter focused on telling my family that I love them. Still, I remember writing the letter and thinking that my family already knew how much I loved them. Suddenly, I regretted not telling the people that I had loved that I loved them. Since that day, I have gotten much better at saying "I love you" to those important people in my life. Still, there are a lot of people who I love that I have never verbalized it to or that I haven't verbalized it to in way too long. So yeah, if the world ended this week I think my biggest regret would be not saying "I love you" enough. I hope we all find the courage and strength to allow ourselves to truly love all the amazing people that enter our lives in various seasons and choke up the three hardest words to say in the English language "I love you."

Testimony

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (for random readers who don't know). I don't get to share my testimony often and I have had an urge to share it with somebody for a while. Thus, I am writing it and sharing it with all who are willing to read.

There are few things I know for sure in this life. It seems like change is the only constant. However, this is a fallacy because I know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who knows and loves me. He is the same "yesterday, today, and forever." Although others in life may disappoint me or cause me grief, my Heavenly Father never will. He cares for me and listens to my prayers. I know that he answers my prayers and provides me comfort when I am feeling down. I know he sent his son, Jesus Christ, to this Earth to atone for my sins. It is comforting to know that because of this atonement Christ knows and has felt every sorrow I will ever feel. He knows the pain I feel when a family member passes away, when I make a huge mistake, I fail a test, or when a boy decides he doesn't like me. Because of this He is one of my best friends. I know that Joseph Smith restored the true church to the face of the Earth in this dispensation. The Book of Mormon is true and is a companion to the Bible. I can grow closer to my heavenly parents by reading, studying, and following the principles in these books. I learn how to live a more meaningful life as I study the scriptures and words of living prophets. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet on the face of the Earth today. He recieves the guidance necessary to lead the church.

In my teaching program at BYU-Idaho our motto was "Christ as the Master Teacher." I believe that Christ is a master teacher. He is a master at differentiated instruction. He constantly provides me with meaningful and challenging experiences that I need to learn, grow, and reach my full potential as a daughter of God. I love that as a educator I have such an amazing teacher to strive to be like.

27 on the 27th

Bahahahahah! I will be 27 in a one and a half weeks. As to true fashion I wanted to share 27 interesting facts about me! Here ya go!

1. I enjoy playing in the rain and splashing in mud puddles.
2. I love grilled cheese sandwiches with pepper jack cheese. Yum!
3. There are certain words that I cannot pronounce correctly no matter how hard I try.
4. Taco Bell has been one of my favorite places to eat since I was a young child.
5. I feel like I talk about myself way too much....like giving you 27 random facts....
6. I am not smarter than a 5th grader.
7. Sometimes I wear boys' deodorant because I love the smell of it.
8. I am working on how to learn to relax.
9. I struggle with not making impulsive, expensive purchases.
10. I bit my nails until I was 21 years old.
11. My parents are my role models.
12. Swings make me nauseous.
13. I think the simplicity of life is what makes life wonderful.
14. I put my hand on a screw every time I go over a railroad track and wish for eternal happiness.
15. No matter what you wish to believe, I really am shy.
16. I still pick my nose.....shhhh.....
17. I would do anything in the world for the people I love.
18. I have the stinkiest feet in the world....only really.
19. I only cry in front of my closest friends...I don't think others should ever see me so vulnerable.
20. I let myself dream way too much at times.
21. My dream car is a Jeep Wrangler.
22. I am sentimental and try to keep everything that has meaning to it.
23. I am not photogenic.
24. I constantly worry about my weight.
25. I am insecure.
26. I won't be your friend unless I think it will help make me a better person.
27. If I had one more day to live, I still wouldn't want to know.

Choose your love...

This is actually a post I wrote last week but the site was down and I was unable to post it....Here ya go....

Choose your love, then love your choice everyday….

This was a quote that a friend had put as their facebook status. I really enjoyed this quote. I firmly believe that love is a choice. Too frequently people look for “the one” or a perfect match for them. I have news for all you dreamers…not gonna happen! Love doesn’t just coincidentally happen. A person chooses to spend time with another person. A person chooses to let another person get to know them. A person chooses to let themselves accept another person’s flaws. A person chooses to want to make another person happy. In short…life is about choices…even when it comes to love.

As for an update on my life. Life is going good. I am over halfway finished with student teaching and I meet my halfway mark for full time teaching tomorrow. I have really come to love my students. They cheer me up on the cloudiest of days. The smiles have really brought so much needed sunshine into my life lately. My sister, Sandra, reminded me today that life is good, except when it isn't. I have to keep that in mind and keep on trekking no matter what happens and how the choices other people make effect me. But then again, I choose to decide how I will allow others' choices to effect me as well.

Inspired By Ginny

Ginny is my young nine year old niece. I love her to pieces. I got an Easter basket from my family and Ginny made me a card. In the card she put some long lost advice that I, along with her other aunts, had given her when she was just a toddler (only really) as we let her drive my car in our front yard. The advice was simply, "Boys break your heart but chocolate makes it all better." I just want to thank Ginny for the reminder and remind her that the advice her aunts gave her so long ago is probably the best advice she will receive her entire life.

On another note I was listening to a song today that made me kind of bitter. Taio Cruz's song lyrics usually don't make me bitter...but today they did. I was listening to his song "Falling in Love." The lyrics suggest that "today is a great day for falling in love." Then I thought, "Liar! No day is a good day to fall in love." At first I thought that I was being cynical..but then I realize the correctness of my thoughts. You shouldn't fall in love because falling isn't a choice and I am a firm believer that love is a choice. So, Taio, your song is a lie!

Then I thought about relationships in general. I hate when relationships end. It is like having high speed internet your whole life and then one day having it taken away from you. You then realize that the slow dial up internet is better than no internet at all. Here is the analogy I am getting to. Life is full of changes you cannot help. People move. People grow. People change. So although you might have something great at one point in your life (high speed internet), say a good friend, if you like it, them, enough you don't want to do without it, them, you accept the change and settle for mere dial-up, say an acquaintance. So, I think I am just rambling at this point, but I hope you get my point.

Ramblings of a Beke

So, I have decided that few people read my blog so I can really write whatever I feel like...no matter how crazy it sounds at the moment. But in the end, I blog for me because I find it therapeutic.


1. I feel like I am a horrible verbal communicator. If you want to know how I am really feeling about something ask me to put it in a letter. I enjoy writing. I am also braver and bolder when writing a letter. A pen empowers me. I no longer feel vulnerable with a pen in my hand but I feel as if I can be as bold as necessary to convey a point.

2. Nature soothes me. I love nature and almost everything it consists of. I remember perfect windy days when I was younger and going outside with the belief that I could fly. Thus, I would outstretch my arms. Hunting and fishing with my siblings was also a sweet experience. I miss the woods behind my house and the sweet smell of honeysuckle.

3. I am an animal lover. I was looking at a picture of James with our old cat Tiger and recalling sweet memories with those stinkin cats, and I am not a cat person at all. I remember putting a sleeping bag on the porch and lying in the sleeping bag. The cats (Socks, Tiger, and Oreo if I remember right) would crawl in the sleeping bags and keep my feet nice and warm. I loved it. However, this may be the only time you ever hear me admit that cats aren't too terribly bad.

4. I hate being alone at night. It is no secret that I am a cuddler. I love the security I feel when I am being cuddled. I especially loved being cuddled at night because I often have nightmares that horrify me, you know they type that wake you up and you almost fear going back to sleep because the nightmare could continue. I hate waking up from a nightmare and being alone. Unfortunately, I usually am alone when waking up from a nightmare.

5. Failure and the unknown petrify me. I want to be a success at life. I don't know what success for me will look like. I am finishing up my degree in teaching (currently student teaching) and everyday I hope that I don't mess up the kids. Charity says believes that "the kids of America will be okay" as long as I am a teacher. I know this is a joke but I hope she is right. I don't want to fail my students. I already love each of my current and future students so much. Plus, they may be the closest thing I ever get to youngsters of my own.

6. My family is the most important thing to me. I love them each so much. I often feel guilty because I don't show or express my love for them enough. They have always been there for me not matter how dumb or crazy I get. For this fact alone I love them.

7. I love, love, did I say love s'mores! They are like a little bit of heaven in my mouth each time I eat them. I remember camping when I was younger and eating so many s'mores that my face was covered in sticky marshmallow. Oh, and I also burn my marshmallows on purpose...

8. I hate reading blogs about how great someone's spouse is or how much they love marital bliss. I feel like some people include these subjects in every blog. Sometimes I want to shout and say, "Thanks for rubbing it my face!" I want to hear about life when I read my family and friends blog, not a 2,000 word essay on how wonderful and delightful their spouse is. I don't mind stories about their family and spouses, but I hate the mushy stuff.

Welp...that is eight tidbits about me. I know...random but true.

Another Song

It is no secret that I absolutely, positively love Taylor Swift. I know I have been blogging a lot lately but I have had a lot of time to think and ponder this weekend and it hasn't exactly been a weekend of dreams. If something could go wrong this weekend, it has went wrong. Things aren't always how you believe they are. However, that is part of life. So, this song describes exactly how I have been feeling. I really have no clue what I am doing with my life and would love someone to objectively help me try to figure it out. It is hard to figure life out when you seem to aimlessly wonder through so many unnecessary storms. However, the storms make the stronger and help me be able to see better at other times in my life. So, yeah...enjoy the song.

Faith and Hope: A Serious Post

I often think about the concepts of faith and hope and often fear that I lack both. It isn't that I am a pessimist, I am just scared of having hope and honestly it is hard to have faith when some things in life are so uncertain. For example, some people have faith that their terminally ill relatives will be healed or that they will land their dream job right out of college. Although I admire the faith of these people, I don't know how realistic what they have faith for is. Then, I feel guilty. I think, "If Christ can raise the dead can't he perform these small miracles?" I don't know if my faith is where is needs to be. I try to have faith but it is a concept I truly struggle with.

I often struggle with having hope. Did you know that I avoid taking pictures with people because I don't want to have to destroy them when friendships or relationships end? Yes, pathetic I know. I don't understand why I would take pictures when they could only come back to haunt me. Most of my pictures I allow myself to be in are with my family or closest of friends that I don't believe have the capability to hurt me. If I allow myself to take pictures with mere acquaintances I allow myself to hope for more than a casual friendship. Not that I am not grateful for casual friendships, I just want to protect myself. So, why allow yourself to hope for something and then be disappointed when things don't work the way you hoped. I guess I am a realist. However, I think this point of view has allowed me to get through many of life's disappointments.

One last thought. I wanted to share a quote a found on a friend's blog:
"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing, you'll stop at the first giant hurdle.”

Mom

It is Mother's Day tomorrow and I can not help but to think of what an amazing mom I have been blessed with. I appreciate the fact that she is always there for me and willing to stand up for me when I am not willing to stand up for myself. She is the most beautiful woman I know, inside and out, and has a wonderful disposition. I love her tons! So mom, I can only aspire to be as wonderful as you. I love you and hope you have the best day of your life every day you live.

Train - Marry Me

I absolutely, positively love this song. Yes, it is one of the "mushiest" songs in the world, but I am a big squish no matter how much I deny it. However, the first line gets me, "Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you." I love this line because the list I made years ago in Young Women's about my perfect man/boy talked about eternities with this person not being long enough. Last semester when I was in social dance I learned how to waltz. I think it would be amazing to fall in love and waltz with the person I fell in love with to this song. However, love often seems to be more of an idea than a reality. My waltz is a little rusty now, but maybe one day I will get to waltz to the song. As for know, I will verbally deny the existence of romantic love and internally realize that I am wrong for doing so and dream of finding such great love myself. Oh, and if you are wondering....here is the complete list I made. I think I was probably around 16 when I made this list.

• Look at him and truly believe he is the most beautiful person ever and see us holding hands when we are old
• Be able to sit on a swing, not say a word, and feel like we just had the best conversation ever
• Romantic, but not overly romantic
• Masculine, but still sensitive
• Brave, courageous, and crazy (He doesn’t care what other people think, he will always be himself)
• Can tell how I am feeling without me saying a word
• Can make me laugh and feel happy, whenever, no matter what the circumstances
• Strives for success
• Always smiles (optimistic)
• Funny
• Not to critical
• Righteous
• Understands my faults
• I can’t even think of imagining forever without him
• Dates are more than just dinner and a movie
• Rational thinker, but not to rational (that will stop me from being so irrational)
• The thought of him makes me smile uncontrollably
• Eternities with (loving) him still isn’t enough
• Makes me want to be a better person