Thinking about Love

So, I think a lot about love...Here are some of my random thoughts.

I've been thinking a lot about the quote I blogged about a few weeks ago, "Choose your love. Then, love your choice every day." There are times in my life when I feel unlovable because that special someone hasn't came into my life yet. I counted at least four boys I have loved in my life, some by choice and some I "fell" for. Then I wondered, "Why didn't these boys choose to love me in return?" I don't know. Maybe they were too scared. Maybe they were too superficial. Maybe they were too selfish. Maybe they didn't know how to receive or return love. For whatever reason these boys chose not to love me in return. At first, I was somewhat bitter. Then, I was just comforted. I learned something from each of these guys. So, yeah, I should thank them. After all, like Sandra said, "There always has to be the ones before the one." (P.S. Boys, I am the last single Eaton woman on the market....and we are the best there is out there...You should be fighting for my affections....)

Then a few weeks ago after a guy decided he didn't like me one of my male friends said, "Beke, He's an idiot because you are the best girl out there." I got bitter because I thought, "Evidently not! If I were you would be with me!" I wish people didn't say things they didn't mean.

My last little rant is how I often say I don't believe in love. We all know that this is a lie. Sometimes I lie to myself or others about feelings to make me feel better. However, I don't want to lie. I just want to be me. I don't want to be who a person wants me to be. They are either going to like me or not. If not, then I don't need them in my crazy, messed up life. Do I believe in love? Yes! Have I experienced true love? I don't know. I like to think so. Maybe not with all four guys I say I have loved...but with one or two of them.