Monday, January 19, 2009
I never really thought of myself as a kid person. To be honest I don't think many people see me as one today. It is true that I still have a hard time with kids at times but I am so blessed to have so many wonderful nieces and nephews. I love them so much and I am very sad that I don't have any here in Idaho to play with anymore. Kids see things in such an innocent perspective. I love hearing some of my older nieces and nephews opinions. Ginny has such a soft heart. She is so loving and considerate. I think she is always thinking of others. I really love hanging out with her! Sandra was just telling me about a special gift that Ginny wanted to give her and Ginny was willing to empty out her savings account to purchase that gift for Sandra. Seth is so logical. I love it! He seems to try to find an explanation for everything. Seth also has a very giving heart. Over Christmas he drank a HUGE glass of chocolate milk for five dollars (and I am sure had a pretty big tummy ache afterwords) and he chose to spend the five dollars on presents for everyone. Aubree, Aubree, Aubree. I think she is sometimes misunderstood. I adore her as well. I find Aubree quite funny. I think she is still actively figuring out the world around her. She will say some of the most random things and for that I love her. I also love how she loves talking on the phone and just like her big sister, she is always willing to give you advice. FYI her advice usually isn't that bad. Sydney is growing up quickly and is developing quite the personality. She loves princesses and just like most little girls do, I am sure she still has the dream of growing up to become one! One thing that stands out to me about Sydney is that she seems to be a little perfectionist. She is also a beauty. I can't wait to see Mike fighting all the boys off of her in a few years. Seth might have to help...(Just to clarify in one sentence, I am sure the boys will be fighting over all my nieces!) And then there is Elle. She truly is a booger bum! It seems like you really have to earn Elle's affection. I felt so special when she would come to me in TN. It made it even harder to have to leave her. She just turned 2 and I was very sad to miss her birthday party. Then we have the two younger ones. Will is so cute. He is always so happy, which I have a hard time understanding because he has a few medical problems. He handles it so well. I use to think he looked like my dad but he seems to be favoring Jake a little more these days. Chloe is the newest to our family. She is my only niece/nephew that I got to see on the first day she was born. She is beautiful. From what I understand she is a good tempered baby as well! I can wait to watch her grow up! I really do love all my nieces and nephews. Without them I don't think that I would love kids as much as I do today. They are always teaching me such little, but valuable, life lessons. Kids are so smart. In a child's mind if you want something or want to do something, nothing is too hard or too impracticable. I am really starting to understand why we are suppose to be more like children as I watch my nieces and nephews and hear their parents tell stories about them. So next time life seems to be too rough or too hard try to see the world as a young child would see it!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Ok...promise not to laugh. Right before I moved to Idaho I discovered The Secret. I have been working on a dream board ever since. Well, I just now finished it. I have decided to post a pic of it for everyone to see. You will so a pic of my future house, wedding ring, a list of qualities my husband will have (that I found in my journal from 2002!), my family's pet dogs by our lake, our yearly income, my bridal bouquet, and my wedding dress. Yeah...it is kind of crazy but when you dream you might as well dream big!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
For some reason I have been thinking a lot about love tonight. I don't know if anyone will ever really know what love it. It is composed of so many different things. I think love is move than a feeling, it is an action. Then to make things even more complicated there are so many different types of love. I will be specific, tonight I have been thinking of romantic love. So unless otherwise specified I will be referring to romantic love from this point on. Some people might say that love is when you see firecrackers every time you kiss someone while others might argue that love is when you are willing to do something you would have never even thought about doing before, like cleaning up after them when they are sick and it never really bothers you. I am almost twenty five and single. I never thought that I would still be single at this age. I'd consider myself a good candidate to date and possibly marry. I often search myself over and over for some major flaw. I know that I have a ton of small flaws but do they really add up so much. Then I think maybe it isn't that guys don't want to date or be in a relationship with me. Maybe I really don't want to be in a relationship with them. This leads me to another question...Am I capable of romantic love at this point in my life? I think I am but to take such a leap is so scary. It is kind of a catch 22 because one of my greatest desires in life is be a mom but one of my greatest fears is to trust and really love somebody. When a person falls in love they can receive so many things in response. Some people fall for someone who will never love them back, some fall for someone who is indifferent towards them, some fall for someone who might love them so deeply in return but doesn't know how to love themselves. Then there are the lucky few who fall for someone that they can love so deeply and that person reciprocates that same love back. So my question is how do you know when to take the risk? I don't know if I believe that risks are worth taking unless you receive something in return. I guess that is really something for me to ponder. I know that great things are bound to happen in my life and I just have to have faith. It is nice to know that my life is a book that is still being written.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
So I had the opportunity to go home and visit the family for Christmas. It was really great and I had a hard time coming back to Idaho. We laughed and enjoyed each others company so much. It was really like we were kids again. Now break is over and it is time to go on to my mundane schedule. I do have a New Year's Resolution this year and I have decided to share it with everyone. I said I didn't believe in resolutions and would rather make small achievable goals up throughout the year. I think I have come up with one big goal this year that is very attainable and that all my smaller goals will contribute to. For those of you who don't know, at times I feel like I am at a quarter life crises. I am almost twenty five years old, single, and in school. I never imagined that my life would be like this. I always thought that I would be married and finished with college at this point in my life. I guess this isn't what I always dreamed of but it is what I needed in my life. So my goal this year is to get to understand and know myself better. I really want to figure out what I want to do with my life and how to get to that point. Right now I am still wanting to go to nursing school but I have been considering doing pre-med. I know that I could do the whole pre-med thing and then med school but I also want to be a mom. I'll be honest, at this point in my life I want to be a mom more than anything else. That is hard for me to admit because I never saw myself willing to sacrifice so much for motherhood. My conflict is that I don't know if I should count on the fact that the opportunity for motherhood will come along for me. I have a lot of goals for my life and I hope I can obtain them all. The unknown petrifies me and it is hard for me to sit back and just see what is going to happen. I really feel like I am making good choices for my life right now though. So that is my resolution this year. Wish me luck as I continue my path to self discovery.
I am also posting some pics from my trip home. Enjoy