Saturday, October 30, 2010

This thing called life...

Life is crazy. I never know what to say or when to say the things I want to say. It is hard to know what I will or won't regret until I take a certain action. A lot of times, I feel like I am walking in the dark. I don't like walking in the dark. Life is too short to be filled with regrets, but how will I know what I will regret until after I have done or said something?

I feel like I used to be a lot more confident in my decision making skills. Now, I feel like I am the worst at making decisions. I think I used to think more with my head and now I think more with my heart. I hate that. My heart allows me to hope for things when I shouldn't always hope for them. It is my hope that life will magically work out. It takes more than hoping to live a fulfilling life.

I have been having a super hard time thinking about this semester coming to an end. Two of my good friends will be graduating and leaving. I have a fear of being alone when they move home. The solution would be to make more friends now, but I don't want to. I want to soak up every moment I can with these amazing friends before they leave. The problem is, life happens and time flies. Before you realize it, you are out of time and you haven't gotten all the things you wanted to accomplish accomplished.

In my head it all boils down to priorities. I understand that school and family should takes highest priority. But, I would like to make it high up on other peoples priority list, especially when I make them high on my list. Does that make me high maintenance? I sometimes feel guilty for this having particular mindset.

That's my life. Don't get me wrong, I am happy, but I am also confused. That doesn't make me happily confused. I think it makes me more naive than anything.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Life I Love

Life has been crazy busy for me. I wake up, go to school, and then go to the library. At last, I get to go home and go to bed. However, I find myself extremely happy! Why? I really have no clue. The boy I like doesn't like me back, I don't always get my way, school is overwhelming, and sometimes I feel like I am barely making it. What can you do though? Maybe, I have finally come to understand how to accept all the chaos and uncertainty life brings. Maybe, I stay so busy that I have less time to think. Maybe, I have chosen not to let other people's choices negatively affect me. Maybe, I have learned that it is okay that I am not perfect. Maybe, I am finally really okay with the way my life is turning out. I don't know the cause, but I truly am happy.

I miss my family back home a ton. I am excited to see them all at Sandra's wedding. I really am so happy for Sandra. It will be fun to get to know Brent a little better when I go home. I am excited to see all the kids when I go home as well. Those little munchkins bring so much joy in my life. I have to get enough love to last me at least a year every time I see those kids. I have been doing a service practicum at a pre-school lately. I have fallen in love with those little kids as well, even if they are bad...and I mean really, really bad! I get to student teach next summer. I really am excited to work with the kids. I love them so much. It is amazing how much joy those little squirts can bring into your life.

Other than that, I am just living my life. We had our first snow in Rexburg this week. I am not excited about the winter, but it must come eventually. I smile because I think this will be my last winter here in Rexburg. However, I know I will miss this town so much. I really am doing okay here. I'll admit, I get homesick at times and wish I had my Charity here, but I have the most amazing friends in the world. They have no clue how much they have positively influenced my life and sadly I am too prideful to let them know the full effect they have had on my life. Yes, sometimes they make me so mad, but they are willing to deal with my crazy, and I love them for that.

This is my life...and I love it. I only have short period of time left in this season of my life. Soon, it will be time to move to another season. It is scary not knowing what that season is or where it will for sure take place, but I trust that my Heavenly Father knows better than me. It truly is comforting when you learn how to truly put your trust in him. Honestly, I don't know how much I really trust him with my life, but I am learning how to trust him more and more everyday.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

More Facts

I wrote 26 things you might not know about me for my 26th birthday. Now, I am just writing more random facts about me for the fun of it. Enjoy!

1) I love to star gaze and cuddle. It would be amazing to do this as a date with someone I care about.
2) Tootsie Roll pops rock my world. I can successfully eat them without biting them most of the time.
3) I often dream of falling in love and being loved in return. When I wake up I am disappointed that my dream had to end. In reality, I am not sure I will really ever find someone to fall in love with that will love me back.
4) I can't wait to have kids! They are adorable. I think being a woman is great.
5) When no one is home, I run around in my undies or without clothes.
6) Sometimes I cry for the most ridiculous reasons.
7) I am paranoid and insecure. I hope for the best and usually assume the worst.
8) I love a good pedicure. I feel like such a girl when my nails are actually done and look nice.
9) Pizza is one of my favorite foods!
10) I fear I might not be a successful teacher.
11) I collect books. I really do love them and try to read often.
12) I care way to much about what other people think.
13) The library may or may not be my official second home.
14) I am shy.
15) I have a ton of walls up. When I get scared, paranoid, sad, feel vulnerable, or start feeling a little insecure I put up even more walls.
16) Part of the reason I fear the unknown so much is because I fear failure so much.
17) My family is the best. They rock my world.
18) If my life were a movie, it would be a comedy.
19) I have a hard time using commas appropriately.
20) I still wouldn't want to know if I had one more day to live.

There are 20 new facts about me. Hope you enjoyed.