Thursday, January 8, 2009

A draft I found

For some reason I have been thinking a lot about love tonight. I don't know if anyone will ever really know what love it. It is composed of so many different things. I think love is move than a feeling, it is an action. Then to make things even more complicated there are so many different types of love. I will be specific, tonight I have been thinking of romantic love. So unless otherwise specified I will be referring to romantic love from this point on. Some people might say that love is when you see firecrackers every time you kiss someone while others might argue that love is when you are willing to do something you would have never even thought about doing before, like cleaning up after them when they are sick and it never really bothers you. I am almost twenty five and single. I never thought that I would still be single at this age. I'd consider myself a good candidate to date and possibly marry. I often search myself over and over for some major flaw. I know that I have a ton of small flaws but do they really add up so much. Then I think maybe it isn't that guys don't want to date or be in a relationship with me. Maybe I really don't want to be in a relationship with them. This leads me to another question...Am I capable of romantic love at this point in my life? I think I am but to take such a leap is so scary. It is kind of a catch 22 because one of my greatest desires in life is be a mom but one of my greatest fears is to trust and really love somebody. When a person falls in love they can receive so many things in response. Some people fall for someone who will never love them back, some fall for someone who is indifferent towards them, some fall for someone who might love them so deeply in return but doesn't know how to love themselves. Then there are the lucky few who fall for someone that they can love so deeply and that person reciprocates that same love back. So my question is how do you know when to take the risk? I don't know if I believe that risks are worth taking unless you receive something in return. I guess that is really something for me to ponder. I know that great things are bound to happen in my life and I just have to have faith. It is nice to know that my life is a book that is still being written.

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