I often think about the concepts of faith and hope and often fear that I lack both. It isn't that I am a pessimist, I am just scared of having hope and honestly it is hard to have faith when some things in life are so uncertain. For example, some people have faith that their terminally ill relatives will be healed or that they will land their dream job right out of college. Although I admire the faith of these people, I don't know how realistic what they have faith for is. Then, I feel guilty. I think, "If Christ can raise the dead can't he perform these small miracles?" I don't know if my faith is where is needs to be. I try to have faith but it is a concept I truly struggle with.
I often struggle with having hope. Did you know that I avoid taking pictures with people because I don't want to have to destroy them when friendships or relationships end? Yes, pathetic I know. I don't understand why I would take pictures when they could only come back to haunt me. Most of my pictures I allow myself to be in are with my family or closest of friends that I don't believe have the capability to hurt me. If I allow myself to take pictures with mere acquaintances I allow myself to hope for more than a casual friendship. Not that I am not grateful for casual friendships, I just want to protect myself. So, why allow yourself to hope for something and then be disappointed when things don't work the way you hoped. I guess I am a realist. However, I think this point of view has allowed me to get through many of life's disappointments.
One last thought. I wanted to share a quote a found on a friend's blog:
"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing, you'll stop at the first giant hurdle.”