Goodbye May--Hello June

May was definitely not my best month (but at least the world didn't end as predicted)! The good news is that it is over! I am super excited about June.

Why?

1. I officially finish student teaching in June. Actually, I am done with student teaching in two and a half weeks...not that I am counting. Then I am going to hang out in Boise for a while.
2. At the end of June, June 29 to be exact, I am flying out to Tacoma (Seattle) to see Britney Spears in concert with one of my best friends!!!!! I am so excited to see her! She may be one of my girl crushes.
3. Charity and Riley also come out to visit in June! Yay!

So, May
YOU SUCKED
(Only Really)
and
June
BE PREPARED TO ROCK MY WORLD!

Stupidity

Another quick vent:
I hate to see people make dumb choices. Yet, I see it all the time. These people have no clue that their choices are dumb. Why? Because they are lovestoned. Don't get me wrong, I've been lovestoned before and made the dumbest of choices. Thus, I know where these people are coming from. (I am proud to say that since my experience I have chosen to be realistic and stay off of "love weed".)

Anyways, my message is: Don't let yourself become lovestoned. You should choose love and choose to be "sober" while experiencing it.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Me and My Birthday Present to Myself
(A right hand ring)

It is exactly one week until my official birthday. I love my birthday and believe that one day is not enough time to celebrate it. So, tonight I went out and bought myself a birthday present. I have been wanting a right hand diamond ring for a while. Thus, tonight I sent out on a quest to find one. I tried on a few but I couldn't find one that worked perfectly on my hand. Then, it happened. The jewelry lady brought out a white sapphire ring for me to try on. I tried it one and immediately fell in love with the way it looked on my hand. It was like the ring was made for me. It was also a really, really great price. So, of course I didn't hesitate to buy it. I don't think it looks too gaudy, which is nice. I have tried to take pictures to share with ya'll but light reflects off the stones so I can't. I am sad it is sapphires and not diamonds, but it is still beautiful. Maybe I will get myself a diamond right hand ring for my graduation present. As for now, I will keep admiring my great find I purchased as a birthday present to me. I wonder what I will get for myself to celebrate tomorrow...

The End of the World...Oh My

So, evidently there are some who believe that the end of the world is coming this week. I hope not...I want to actually see my college diploma before the world ends! I worked too terribly hard for it. If the world ended, I would be in decent shape overall. This talk about the world ending made me remember an experience I had in an English class after reading the book Tuesdays with Morrie. For those who haven't read it, read it! The class was an emotional class where we did a simulation as if we were in a cave and we got trapped as a class and would die. We had a few minutes to write our last thoughts. My letter focused on telling my family that I love them. Still, I remember writing the letter and thinking that my family already knew how much I loved them. Suddenly, I regretted not telling the people that I had loved that I loved them. Since that day, I have gotten much better at saying "I love you" to those important people in my life. Still, there are a lot of people who I love that I have never verbalized it to or that I haven't verbalized it to in way too long. So yeah, if the world ended this week I think my biggest regret would be not saying "I love you" enough. I hope we all find the courage and strength to allow ourselves to truly love all the amazing people that enter our lives in various seasons and choke up the three hardest words to say in the English language "I love you."

Testimony

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (for random readers who don't know). I don't get to share my testimony often and I have had an urge to share it with somebody for a while. Thus, I am writing it and sharing it with all who are willing to read.

There are few things I know for sure in this life. It seems like change is the only constant. However, this is a fallacy because I know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who knows and loves me. He is the same "yesterday, today, and forever." Although others in life may disappoint me or cause me grief, my Heavenly Father never will. He cares for me and listens to my prayers. I know that he answers my prayers and provides me comfort when I am feeling down. I know he sent his son, Jesus Christ, to this Earth to atone for my sins. It is comforting to know that because of this atonement Christ knows and has felt every sorrow I will ever feel. He knows the pain I feel when a family member passes away, when I make a huge mistake, I fail a test, or when a boy decides he doesn't like me. Because of this He is one of my best friends. I know that Joseph Smith restored the true church to the face of the Earth in this dispensation. The Book of Mormon is true and is a companion to the Bible. I can grow closer to my heavenly parents by reading, studying, and following the principles in these books. I learn how to live a more meaningful life as I study the scriptures and words of living prophets. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet on the face of the Earth today. He recieves the guidance necessary to lead the church.

In my teaching program at BYU-Idaho our motto was "Christ as the Master Teacher." I believe that Christ is a master teacher. He is a master at differentiated instruction. He constantly provides me with meaningful and challenging experiences that I need to learn, grow, and reach my full potential as a daughter of God. I love that as a educator I have such an amazing teacher to strive to be like.

27 on the 27th

Bahahahahah! I will be 27 in a one and a half weeks. As to true fashion I wanted to share 27 interesting facts about me! Here ya go!

1. I enjoy playing in the rain and splashing in mud puddles.
2. I love grilled cheese sandwiches with pepper jack cheese. Yum!
3. There are certain words that I cannot pronounce correctly no matter how hard I try.
4. Taco Bell has been one of my favorite places to eat since I was a young child.
5. I feel like I talk about myself way too much....like giving you 27 random facts....
6. I am not smarter than a 5th grader.
7. Sometimes I wear boys' deodorant because I love the smell of it.
8. I am working on how to learn to relax.
9. I struggle with not making impulsive, expensive purchases.
10. I bit my nails until I was 21 years old.
11. My parents are my role models.
12. Swings make me nauseous.
13. I think the simplicity of life is what makes life wonderful.
14. I put my hand on a screw every time I go over a railroad track and wish for eternal happiness.
15. No matter what you wish to believe, I really am shy.
16. I still pick my nose.....shhhh.....
17. I would do anything in the world for the people I love.
18. I have the stinkiest feet in the world....only really.
19. I only cry in front of my closest friends...I don't think others should ever see me so vulnerable.
20. I let myself dream way too much at times.
21. My dream car is a Jeep Wrangler.
22. I am sentimental and try to keep everything that has meaning to it.
23. I am not photogenic.
24. I constantly worry about my weight.
25. I am insecure.
26. I won't be your friend unless I think it will help make me a better person.
27. If I had one more day to live, I still wouldn't want to know.

Choose your love...

This is actually a post I wrote last week but the site was down and I was unable to post it....Here ya go....

Choose your love, then love your choice everyday….

This was a quote that a friend had put as their facebook status. I really enjoyed this quote. I firmly believe that love is a choice. Too frequently people look for “the one” or a perfect match for them. I have news for all you dreamers…not gonna happen! Love doesn’t just coincidentally happen. A person chooses to spend time with another person. A person chooses to let another person get to know them. A person chooses to let themselves accept another person’s flaws. A person chooses to want to make another person happy. In short…life is about choices…even when it comes to love.

As for an update on my life. Life is going good. I am over halfway finished with student teaching and I meet my halfway mark for full time teaching tomorrow. I have really come to love my students. They cheer me up on the cloudiest of days. The smiles have really brought so much needed sunshine into my life lately. My sister, Sandra, reminded me today that life is good, except when it isn't. I have to keep that in mind and keep on trekking no matter what happens and how the choices other people make effect me. But then again, I choose to decide how I will allow others' choices to effect me as well.

Inspired By Ginny

Ginny is my young nine year old niece. I love her to pieces. I got an Easter basket from my family and Ginny made me a card. In the card she put some long lost advice that I, along with her other aunts, had given her when she was just a toddler (only really) as we let her drive my car in our front yard. The advice was simply, "Boys break your heart but chocolate makes it all better." I just want to thank Ginny for the reminder and remind her that the advice her aunts gave her so long ago is probably the best advice she will receive her entire life.

On another note I was listening to a song today that made me kind of bitter. Taio Cruz's song lyrics usually don't make me bitter...but today they did. I was listening to his song "Falling in Love." The lyrics suggest that "today is a great day for falling in love." Then I thought, "Liar! No day is a good day to fall in love." At first I thought that I was being cynical..but then I realize the correctness of my thoughts. You shouldn't fall in love because falling isn't a choice and I am a firm believer that love is a choice. So, Taio, your song is a lie!

Then I thought about relationships in general. I hate when relationships end. It is like having high speed internet your whole life and then one day having it taken away from you. You then realize that the slow dial up internet is better than no internet at all. Here is the analogy I am getting to. Life is full of changes you cannot help. People move. People grow. People change. So although you might have something great at one point in your life (high speed internet), say a good friend, if you like it, them, enough you don't want to do without it, them, you accept the change and settle for mere dial-up, say an acquaintance. So, I think I am just rambling at this point, but I hope you get my point.

Ramblings of a Beke

So, I have decided that few people read my blog so I can really write whatever I feel like...no matter how crazy it sounds at the moment. But in the end, I blog for me because I find it therapeutic.


1. I feel like I am a horrible verbal communicator. If you want to know how I am really feeling about something ask me to put it in a letter. I enjoy writing. I am also braver and bolder when writing a letter. A pen empowers me. I no longer feel vulnerable with a pen in my hand but I feel as if I can be as bold as necessary to convey a point.

2. Nature soothes me. I love nature and almost everything it consists of. I remember perfect windy days when I was younger and going outside with the belief that I could fly. Thus, I would outstretch my arms. Hunting and fishing with my siblings was also a sweet experience. I miss the woods behind my house and the sweet smell of honeysuckle.

3. I am an animal lover. I was looking at a picture of James with our old cat Tiger and recalling sweet memories with those stinkin cats, and I am not a cat person at all. I remember putting a sleeping bag on the porch and lying in the sleeping bag. The cats (Socks, Tiger, and Oreo if I remember right) would crawl in the sleeping bags and keep my feet nice and warm. I loved it. However, this may be the only time you ever hear me admit that cats aren't too terribly bad.

4. I hate being alone at night. It is no secret that I am a cuddler. I love the security I feel when I am being cuddled. I especially loved being cuddled at night because I often have nightmares that horrify me, you know they type that wake you up and you almost fear going back to sleep because the nightmare could continue. I hate waking up from a nightmare and being alone. Unfortunately, I usually am alone when waking up from a nightmare.

5. Failure and the unknown petrify me. I want to be a success at life. I don't know what success for me will look like. I am finishing up my degree in teaching (currently student teaching) and everyday I hope that I don't mess up the kids. Charity says believes that "the kids of America will be okay" as long as I am a teacher. I know this is a joke but I hope she is right. I don't want to fail my students. I already love each of my current and future students so much. Plus, they may be the closest thing I ever get to youngsters of my own.

6. My family is the most important thing to me. I love them each so much. I often feel guilty because I don't show or express my love for them enough. They have always been there for me not matter how dumb or crazy I get. For this fact alone I love them.

7. I love, love, did I say love s'mores! They are like a little bit of heaven in my mouth each time I eat them. I remember camping when I was younger and eating so many s'mores that my face was covered in sticky marshmallow. Oh, and I also burn my marshmallows on purpose...

8. I hate reading blogs about how great someone's spouse is or how much they love marital bliss. I feel like some people include these subjects in every blog. Sometimes I want to shout and say, "Thanks for rubbing it my face!" I want to hear about life when I read my family and friends blog, not a 2,000 word essay on how wonderful and delightful their spouse is. I don't mind stories about their family and spouses, but I hate the mushy stuff.

Welp...that is eight tidbits about me. I know...random but true.

Another Song

It is no secret that I absolutely, positively love Taylor Swift. I know I have been blogging a lot lately but I have had a lot of time to think and ponder this weekend and it hasn't exactly been a weekend of dreams. If something could go wrong this weekend, it has went wrong. Things aren't always how you believe they are. However, that is part of life. So, this song describes exactly how I have been feeling. I really have no clue what I am doing with my life and would love someone to objectively help me try to figure it out. It is hard to figure life out when you seem to aimlessly wonder through so many unnecessary storms. However, the storms make the stronger and help me be able to see better at other times in my life. So, yeah...enjoy the song.

Faith and Hope: A Serious Post

I often think about the concepts of faith and hope and often fear that I lack both. It isn't that I am a pessimist, I am just scared of having hope and honestly it is hard to have faith when some things in life are so uncertain. For example, some people have faith that their terminally ill relatives will be healed or that they will land their dream job right out of college. Although I admire the faith of these people, I don't know how realistic what they have faith for is. Then, I feel guilty. I think, "If Christ can raise the dead can't he perform these small miracles?" I don't know if my faith is where is needs to be. I try to have faith but it is a concept I truly struggle with.

I often struggle with having hope. Did you know that I avoid taking pictures with people because I don't want to have to destroy them when friendships or relationships end? Yes, pathetic I know. I don't understand why I would take pictures when they could only come back to haunt me. Most of my pictures I allow myself to be in are with my family or closest of friends that I don't believe have the capability to hurt me. If I allow myself to take pictures with mere acquaintances I allow myself to hope for more than a casual friendship. Not that I am not grateful for casual friendships, I just want to protect myself. So, why allow yourself to hope for something and then be disappointed when things don't work the way you hoped. I guess I am a realist. However, I think this point of view has allowed me to get through many of life's disappointments.

One last thought. I wanted to share a quote a found on a friend's blog:
"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing, you'll stop at the first giant hurdle.”

Mom

It is Mother's Day tomorrow and I can not help but to think of what an amazing mom I have been blessed with. I appreciate the fact that she is always there for me and willing to stand up for me when I am not willing to stand up for myself. She is the most beautiful woman I know, inside and out, and has a wonderful disposition. I love her tons! So mom, I can only aspire to be as wonderful as you. I love you and hope you have the best day of your life every day you live.

Train - Marry Me

I absolutely, positively love this song. Yes, it is one of the "mushiest" songs in the world, but I am a big squish no matter how much I deny it. However, the first line gets me, "Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you." I love this line because the list I made years ago in Young Women's about my perfect man/boy talked about eternities with this person not being long enough. Last semester when I was in social dance I learned how to waltz. I think it would be amazing to fall in love and waltz with the person I fell in love with to this song. However, love often seems to be more of an idea than a reality. My waltz is a little rusty now, but maybe one day I will get to waltz to the song. As for know, I will verbally deny the existence of romantic love and internally realize that I am wrong for doing so and dream of finding such great love myself. Oh, and if you are wondering....here is the complete list I made. I think I was probably around 16 when I made this list.

• Look at him and truly believe he is the most beautiful person ever and see us holding hands when we are old
• Be able to sit on a swing, not say a word, and feel like we just had the best conversation ever
• Romantic, but not overly romantic
• Masculine, but still sensitive
• Brave, courageous, and crazy (He doesn’t care what other people think, he will always be himself)
• Can tell how I am feeling without me saying a word
• Can make me laugh and feel happy, whenever, no matter what the circumstances
• Strives for success
• Always smiles (optimistic)
• Funny
• Not to critical
• Righteous
• Understands my faults
• I can’t even think of imagining forever without him
• Dates are more than just dinner and a movie
• Rational thinker, but not to rational (that will stop me from being so irrational)
• The thought of him makes me smile uncontrollably
• Eternities with (loving) him still isn’t enough
• Makes me want to be a better person

Places I want to vist

An African Safari

Tokyo, Japan

Athens, Greece

India (The Taj Mahal)

Jerusalem

Auckland, New Zealand