My Finished Dream Board

Ok...promise not to laugh. Right before I moved to Idaho I discovered The Secret. I have been working on a dream board ever since. Well, I just now finished it. I have decided to post a pic of it for everyone to see. You will so a pic of my future house, wedding ring, a list of qualities my husband will have (that I found in my journal from 2002!), my family's pet dogs by our lake, our yearly income, my bridal bouquet, and my wedding dress. Yeah...it is kind of crazy but when you dream you might as well dream big!

A draft I found

For some reason I have been thinking a lot about love tonight. I don't know if anyone will ever really know what love it. It is composed of so many different things. I think love is move than a feeling, it is an action. Then to make things even more complicated there are so many different types of love. I will be specific, tonight I have been thinking of romantic love. So unless otherwise specified I will be referring to romantic love from this point on. Some people might say that love is when you see firecrackers every time you kiss someone while others might argue that love is when you are willing to do something you would have never even thought about doing before, like cleaning up after them when they are sick and it never really bothers you. I am almost twenty five and single. I never thought that I would still be single at this age. I'd consider myself a good candidate to date and possibly marry. I often search myself over and over for some major flaw. I know that I have a ton of small flaws but do they really add up so much. Then I think maybe it isn't that guys don't want to date or be in a relationship with me. Maybe I really don't want to be in a relationship with them. This leads me to another question...Am I capable of romantic love at this point in my life? I think I am but to take such a leap is so scary. It is kind of a catch 22 because one of my greatest desires in life is be a mom but one of my greatest fears is to trust and really love somebody. When a person falls in love they can receive so many things in response. Some people fall for someone who will never love them back, some fall for someone who is indifferent towards them, some fall for someone who might love them so deeply in return but doesn't know how to love themselves. Then there are the lucky few who fall for someone that they can love so deeply and that person reciprocates that same love back. So my question is how do you know when to take the risk? I don't know if I believe that risks are worth taking unless you receive something in return. I guess that is really something for me to ponder. I know that great things are bound to happen in my life and I just have to have faith. It is nice to know that my life is a book that is still being written.

A New Year

So I had the opportunity to go home and visit the family for Christmas. It was really great and I had a hard time coming back to Idaho. We laughed and enjoyed each others company so much. It was really like we were kids again. Now break is over and it is time to go on to my mundane schedule. I do have a New Year's Resolution this year and I have decided to share it with everyone. I said I didn't believe in resolutions and would rather make small achievable goals up throughout the year. I think I have come up with one big goal this year that is very attainable and that all my smaller goals will contribute to. For those of you who don't know, at times I feel like I am at a quarter life crises. I am almost twenty five years old, single, and in school. I never imagined that my life would be like this. I always thought that I would be married and finished with college at this point in my life. I guess this isn't what I always dreamed of but it is what I needed in my life. So my goal this year is to get to understand and know myself better. I really want to figure out what I want to do with my life and how to get to that point. Right now I am still wanting to go to nursing school but I have been considering doing pre-med. I know that I could do the whole pre-med thing and then med school but I also want to be a mom. I'll be honest, at this point in my life I want to be a mom more than anything else. That is hard for me to admit because I never saw myself willing to sacrifice so much for motherhood. My conflict is that I don't know if I should count on the fact that the opportunity for motherhood will come along for me. I have a lot of goals for my life and I hope I can obtain them all. The unknown petrifies me and it is hard for me to sit back and just see what is going to happen. I really feel like I am making good choices for my life right now though. So that is my resolution this year. Wish me luck as I continue my path to self discovery.
I am also posting some pics from my trip home. Enjoy

Christmas Tag

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I like wrapping paper with pretty ribbon...it is a new thing for me:)
2. Real tree or Artificial? Pre lit artificial tree
3. When do you put up the tree? Thanksgivng
4. When do you take the tree down? Christmas day or the day after
5. Do you like eggnog? Love it! I discovered Chocolate EggNog this year and it is amazing!!!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Easy Bake Oven
7. Hardest person to buy for? Mom
8. Easiest person to buy for? Me
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? There have been a few bad ones...but nothing too horrific.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Elf and White Christmas
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Whenever I feel like it
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Probably
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mom's Cooking
16. Lights on the tree? Lots of them
17. Favorite Christmas song? Baby it's Cold Outside, Santa Baby, and Hark the Herold Angels Sing
18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? Go home...to the family
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Nope
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? nothing
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Mom fluctuated
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? busy stores
23. What theme or color are you using? Pink...Charity and I have a pink tree
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Turkey, Ham, Dressing, lots of veggies, and even more desserts
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? a full paid scholarship

Last Week of School

So, I am officially done with my first semester back at school. I have had a lot of great experiences this semester. I never thought I would say this but I am really sad that it is over even though I know that a new semester is just weeks away. I have to say that at times I feel like I spent too much time judging people and not enough time loving them and that has caused me to not be as close to some people as I could have. Over the past few weeks I feel like I have got to know so many amazing people and I am sad that some of those people will not be returning next semester. Anyways to tell you about my week. On Tuesday night we did a present swap at Charity's apartment. It was a ton of fun. I really do enjoy Charity's roommates. They are amazing. On Wednesday night we went to her neighbor's and had a tacky Christmas/ugly sweater party. It was ton of fun. We played the, "Honey, do you love me game." I can not keep a straight face to save my life. And tonight was the final night of the semester. We ended with nothing other than an The Office party. Most Thursday nights we get together and watch The Office with pizza and root beer and we weren't about to break that tradition this week. So I have to say I greatly anticipate embarking on a new adventure as I meet knew people have new experiences next semester.

A little about me...

(1) So what...I am a little, or maybe a lot, weird. I am not scared to pick my nose while driving through town, I unconsciously try to out sing the radio, I enjoy sleeping in as late as I can, sometimes I find myself crying (stinking Idaho does things to you) and I have no clue why I am crying, I really don't like studying and try to avoid it at all cost, and my favorite food groups are breads and fats. I have tons and tons of little "quirks." Some people judge because of them but I will never understand why. I know I am a little weird but I have no clue what "normal" is. I am very happy with the person I have become. I am not saying that I don't want to better myself but I am saying that everyone has their flaw. So next time you see a the girl in the middle of the dance floor dancing with no rhythm (that girl is probably me!) don't critique or judge her but go out and join the party!
(2) O.k so I am not as brave or strong as I want people to believe I am. I like the idea of having someone around that I think can protect me. I like being the girl. Sometimes I want to be able to scream during the scary movie without wondering if people will laugh at me being such a girl. I like the idea of having someone else kill the spider. I want to have someone who will hold me when I am scarred no matter what is scarring me. This might not always be over physical things but sometimes other things scare me to. I am scared of being a old lonely "dog lady", I am scared of failure, and the unknown truly petrifies me. I may try to make people believe that I am stronger than I really am but don't forget that deep down inside I am scared to death. I don't always know how to express that fear though.
(3) Sometimes all I really want is a little flattery and affection. I don't know who doesn't love flattery. Nothing makes you feel better than when someone compliments you. Whether they compliment your hair, clothes, or figure or if they tell you how pretty, smart, ambitious, or amazing you are. There is something about compliments that give you a natural high. I personally enjoy getting them and giving them. I'll even admit that I enjoy them so much that sometimes I even "fish for compliments." If I feel like I did something great I might ask for your opinion just so you can compliment my task. However, as much as I enjoy compliments, I also want the truth. Like I said earlier, I am a little weird so I might think my hair looks amazing when really it looks like I just got finish walking 209 miles in the desert! Please just be gentle when telling me the truth!
(4) Yes, sometimes I cry, get angry, or smile uncontrollably and I can't pinpoint why. When you ask me why I am crying or why I am angry and I don't answer it probably means that I really don't know why I am crying or upset and/or I think it is something too dumb to discuss anyways. Please don't bug me on the subject any more. Just because I don't want you asking me about why I am feeling that way doesn't mean I don't want your attention though. I like to be held and rocked when I am crying. It is comforting. I don't like when questions are asked about why I am crying. The person asking questions usually tries to solve the problem for me which will make me angry! I think I am capable enough to find solutions myself. It is the person who QUIETLY helps you as you work through your very own solutions that often helps the most. I know you may think that I am fickle and you're probably right even though I don't see it that way.
(5) I have dreams! I want to finish college and have a successful career. I want to fall in love! I want to be married in the temple. I want to find someone that is crazy enough to dance with me in the rain but also understands that sometimes I don't even want a rain drop to touch me! I want to be a mom and be able to swing my kids around in the air. I want to have home with a huge library. I want to travel the world. I want to jump out of a plane thousands of feet in the air and feel like a bird as I free fall. (I will have a parachute!) I want to swim with the fish and see the bottom of the ocean floor. I want to make a difference in the world. I know that I might not be able to make all these things happen (who can force prince charming to fall in love with them) but I know that if I put forth my best effort in life great things will happen to me and I will be happy.

Halloween

Halloween this year was kind of crazy. Mom got to come up to Idaho to spend time with all of us. She was initially suppose to help Mike and Amy pack up and get moved but Charity and I kind of kept her to ourselves. (Sorry Mike and Amy!) Mom and Mike were to leave for TN on Halloween and Amy and I were to head to Ogden so that she could fly to TN the following day. Because it was Halloween Amy wanted to make sure the kids got to go trick or treating. My dad wondered why they couldn't leave Idaho early and just stop at some random neighborhood on their way to TN. I guess men and women just think differently. Anyways, Charity had a costume that she gave me so I dressed up with the kids. We all went trick or treating at the mall. Little Elle even came! I was so excited to see her! I don't think she was as excited to see me though. Little stinker. After trick or treating at the mall we went to Mike's old neighborhood and went trick or treating. Seth is so practical. When the lights were out at someones house he would say, "I guess they went to bed." even if you could see where people were moving around inside and just had lights off so they didn't get trick or treaters. I think the hardest part of the night was seeing the kids go trick or treating at their old house. The people who are buying the house moved in on Halloween. After trick or treating I got to play with the kids at McDonald's for a while with was really fun. I really love those kids and I can't wait to see them in December. It will be a real treat seeing all my nieces and nephews! That was my Halloween. I can't complain...I wouldn't have chosen to spend it any other way!