Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A little about me...

(1) So what...I am a little, or maybe a lot, weird. I am not scared to pick my nose while driving through town, I unconsciously try to out sing the radio, I enjoy sleeping in as late as I can, sometimes I find myself crying (stinking Idaho does things to you) and I have no clue why I am crying, I really don't like studying and try to avoid it at all cost, and my favorite food groups are breads and fats. I have tons and tons of little "quirks." Some people judge because of them but I will never understand why. I know I am a little weird but I have no clue what "normal" is. I am very happy with the person I have become. I am not saying that I don't want to better myself but I am saying that everyone has their flaw. So next time you see a the girl in the middle of the dance floor dancing with no rhythm (that girl is probably me!) don't critique or judge her but go out and join the party!
(2) O.k so I am not as brave or strong as I want people to believe I am. I like the idea of having someone around that I think can protect me. I like being the girl. Sometimes I want to be able to scream during the scary movie without wondering if people will laugh at me being such a girl. I like the idea of having someone else kill the spider. I want to have someone who will hold me when I am scarred no matter what is scarring me. This might not always be over physical things but sometimes other things scare me to. I am scared of being a old lonely "dog lady", I am scared of failure, and the unknown truly petrifies me. I may try to make people believe that I am stronger than I really am but don't forget that deep down inside I am scared to death. I don't always know how to express that fear though.
(3) Sometimes all I really want is a little flattery and affection. I don't know who doesn't love flattery. Nothing makes you feel better than when someone compliments you. Whether they compliment your hair, clothes, or figure or if they tell you how pretty, smart, ambitious, or amazing you are. There is something about compliments that give you a natural high. I personally enjoy getting them and giving them. I'll even admit that I enjoy them so much that sometimes I even "fish for compliments." If I feel like I did something great I might ask for your opinion just so you can compliment my task. However, as much as I enjoy compliments, I also want the truth. Like I said earlier, I am a little weird so I might think my hair looks amazing when really it looks like I just got finish walking 209 miles in the desert! Please just be gentle when telling me the truth!
(4) Yes, sometimes I cry, get angry, or smile uncontrollably and I can't pinpoint why. When you ask me why I am crying or why I am angry and I don't answer it probably means that I really don't know why I am crying or upset and/or I think it is something too dumb to discuss anyways. Please don't bug me on the subject any more. Just because I don't want you asking me about why I am feeling that way doesn't mean I don't want your attention though. I like to be held and rocked when I am crying. It is comforting. I don't like when questions are asked about why I am crying. The person asking questions usually tries to solve the problem for me which will make me angry! I think I am capable enough to find solutions myself. It is the person who QUIETLY helps you as you work through your very own solutions that often helps the most. I know you may think that I am fickle and you're probably right even though I don't see it that way.
(5) I have dreams! I want to finish college and have a successful career. I want to fall in love! I want to be married in the temple. I want to find someone that is crazy enough to dance with me in the rain but also understands that sometimes I don't even want a rain drop to touch me! I want to be a mom and be able to swing my kids around in the air. I want to have home with a huge library. I want to travel the world. I want to jump out of a plane thousands of feet in the air and feel like a bird as I free fall. (I will have a parachute!) I want to swim with the fish and see the bottom of the ocean floor. I want to make a difference in the world. I know that I might not be able to make all these things happen (who can force prince charming to fall in love with them) but I know that if I put forth my best effort in life great things will happen to me and I will be happy.


Carrie Ann said...

I love your comments, especially #5. You are such a "dreamy" girl. I'd love to dance in the rain too, but Kenny would tell me to come in before I catch cold.

Renee and Jake said...

So, before all your lifers' ambitions happen, you may want to do many of them before you become a mom. I enjoyed this one and it is so you. Nonetheless, no matter how weird you are, we love you around here and you are one of my closest friends.

Sandra said...

This was my favorite blog of yours. I really enjoyed it. You can do all of those things and you will. Just remember that things happen in Heavenly Fathers time. In the mean time dance in the rain with friends, jump out of that plane, and do whatever else it is. I love you Beck. You know one thing that drives me crazy is when Nae says things like get it done before you become a mom. Don't know why it drives me crazy but it really does.

Scottie said...

That was actually a lot about you... You just put down in plain English some things I took months to discover about you!

As for your dreams... You will get there. After all, we have eternity to accomplish the things we don't get to in this life!