As I was doing my hair this morning, I had a thought. Although I wanted to blog then, I couldn't because of time restraints. I am hoping I can convey the same message that I wanted to this morning since hours have passed since my thought.
I was straightening my hair and critiquing myself. I have a few blemishes on my face and my hair was acting as if it couldn't be tamed. I overslept for the ward I wanted to go to, so I looked up other single's wards in the area and found one close by. Then, of course, you always begin to ask "What if?" questions. I also thought of how I was still 25 and single. I have mentioned how this disturbs me before. I wish I were married to the perfect guy and had the perfect house and the perfect kids. However, obviously I don't. I am still happy though. These were my thoughts this morning and this blog goes out to all the other people who are confused and perplexed about where their lives are leading them.
I thought of all the places I would or could be if my life had went the way I had wanted it to just a year ago and then if it had gone the way I had wished for just 5 years ago. There were hundreds of possibilities. Some good and some not so good. Then I thought, "Maybe where I want to be isn't where I need to be." I have to have faith that Heavenly Father is wiser than me and then I have to rely on his help. This is extremely difficult because I consider myself a very independent woman. However, through past experiences, I have learned that Heavenly Father is wiser and he will put me where I need to be. Rather this be a physical location or a mental state, I must trust him.
I know that this isn't the most significant thought in the world, but it is the one I needed to think this morning. I am so happy with life most of the time. As I have said many times before, life is about choices. I choose how I feel, I choose how I live, and I choose what I do. None of it is forced. So, I guess, I kind of choose to be at the point I am in my life. I have chosen to be single. Is it a bad thing? I don't think so. I feel that I would not have been happy with the guys I could have been with. I choose to live in Idaho and go back to school at a more mature age. Do I feel odd and awkward at times because I feel like I should be doing other more significant things with my life? Of course! But I know that doing significant things takes steps and I am climbing those stairs surely but slowly. I really do feel that this is the spot I need to be in in my life. I am happy, only really!
Sometimes, when things get rough and we are confused because we feel we should be at other places in our lives we must remember that those feelings of inadequacy do not come from our Heavenly Father. I don't think he would ever want us to feel that way. I am not saying that he doesn't want us to evaluate ourselves and ask what more we can do though. We should not stop personal progression at any time in our lives. I am suggesting, however, that we look at our lives and ask, "Is this where I need to be?" I feel as if Heavenly Father is giving the time I need to learn and to grow before he allows me to move on. We cannot run faster than we have strength and who knows how much strength we have better than our Heavenly Father?