A New Decade

Not only has another year come and gone, a new decade has arrived. I could look back and note all the things I have learned over the past decade or year. However, for the most part, I feel the same as I did a year or a decade ago. Sure, I have learned lessons, grown, and changed, but these things often happen very subtly. A decade ago I didn't even have a driver's license or a high school diploma. Now those things seem like they happened forever ago. It is crazy how time flies and how the things that we think matter a ton don't really matter. I don't think I could even remember ten percent of the things that I got upset about over the past few years. I guess I need to ask myself, "Is the sky really falling?" before I get overly dramatic about something.
Anyways, some of the lessons I have learned have been good and some have been not so great. The most important thing to note is that I AM HAPPY! I really do love life. The saying is true, "Life is Good." It isn't always great, but I try to always smile. Usually my family receives several calls a week where I have short vents. They patiently listen (for which I am grateful) and then I get over whatever is bothering me. Sometimes a quick vent is all I need. I really do love my family.
As for New Year's Resolutions, I really have none. When I do make them, I can never recall what they were at the end of the year. My hope for the New Year is that I become a better and happier person each day I live. I really hope it works. I wonder what I will say about my year this time next year or at the end of the next decade. Life is really about learning and growing. I hope I do a lot of that this year. So farewell to 2009 and welcome 2010!

One for the confused and perplexed...

As I was doing my hair this morning, I had a thought. Although I wanted to blog then, I couldn't because of time restraints. I am hoping I can convey the same message that I wanted to this morning since hours have passed since my thought.
I was straightening my hair and critiquing myself. I have a few blemishes on my face and my hair was acting as if it couldn't be tamed. I overslept for the ward I wanted to go to, so I looked up other single's wards in the area and found one close by. Then, of course, you always begin to ask "What if?" questions. I also thought of how I was still 25 and single. I have mentioned how this disturbs me before. I wish I were married to the perfect guy and had the perfect house and the perfect kids. However, obviously I don't. I am still happy though. These were my thoughts this morning and this blog goes out to all the other people who are confused and perplexed about where their lives are leading them.
I thought of all the places I would or could be if my life had went the way I had wanted it to just a year ago and then if it had gone the way I had wished for just 5 years ago. There were hundreds of possibilities. Some good and some not so good. Then I thought, "Maybe where I want to be isn't where I need to be." I have to have faith that Heavenly Father is wiser than me and then I have to rely on his help. This is extremely difficult because I consider myself a very independent woman. However, through past experiences, I have learned that Heavenly Father is wiser and he will put me where I need to be. Rather this be a physical location or a mental state, I must trust him.
I know that this isn't the most significant thought in the world, but it is the one I needed to think this morning. I am so happy with life most of the time. As I have said many times before, life is about choices. I choose how I feel, I choose how I live, and I choose what I do. None of it is forced. So, I guess, I kind of choose to be at the point I am in my life. I have chosen to be single. Is it a bad thing? I don't think so. I feel that I would not have been happy with the guys I could have been with. I choose to live in Idaho and go back to school at a more mature age. Do I feel odd and awkward at times because I feel like I should be doing other more significant things with my life? Of course! But I know that doing significant things takes steps and I am climbing those stairs surely but slowly. I really do feel that this is the spot I need to be in in my life. I am happy, only really!
Sometimes, when things get rough and we are confused because we feel we should be at other places in our lives we must remember that those feelings of inadequacy do not come from our Heavenly Father. I don't think he would ever want us to feel that way. I am not saying that he doesn't want us to evaluate ourselves and ask what more we can do though. We should not stop personal progression at any time in our lives. I am suggesting, however, that we look at our lives and ask, "Is this where I need to be?" I feel as if Heavenly Father is giving the time I need to learn and to grow before he allows me to move on. We cannot run faster than we have strength and who knows how much strength we have better than our Heavenly Father?

I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams

This year I decided not to go home for Christmas so that I could work. I went home for Thanksgiving instead, and I had an excellent time. Originally, I was supposed to work Christmas Day. I had anticipated working the holiday so I could get extra pay and it would keep my mind off of not being in Tennessee for the holidays. However, we did not have enough patients at work to justify me working on Christmas day, so I got called off. I was sad. James and Kara are down for the holidays though. I had thought about going to Boise and sleeping under Charity's Christmas Tree for the holiday, but it was late and I am going to Boise to visit Charity next week. So, I called James up and spent the night at the McKinley's. I woke up Christmas morning and watched Elle open her Santa gifts. The McKinley's cooked an amazing breakfast and I enjoyed it immensely. They also even filled a stocking for me! Christmas away from Tennessee hasn't been bad for me at all. I miss my family tons, and wish I could be with them, but I am having a good holiday. Hopefully, next year we can all be together. As for now, I am home for Christmas even it it is only in my dreams. I hope everyone has an amazing day!

Walls

One of my favorite songs right now is "Fearless" by Colbie Caillat. I really like the lyrics a lot. I was listening to it the other day and these lyrics stood out, "We live with what we miss
We learn to build another wall, Till it falls." I was thinking about how easy it is for someone to build a wall. All it takes is one bad experience and then we often have a wall up. When we run into a wall, we don't tear it down, we just build one of our own. However, it is hard to tear down a wall. Rather you are tearing down your own wall or someone else's wall, it is difficult. Then I have to wonder, "What's the point of walls anyways? Don't they all eventually fall? Are walls the key to happiness?" I don't think walls make you happy. In the end, they simply isolate you from the world. So, I've decided that I am going to try tearing down my own walls. I am going to live life to the fullest and enjoy every day. Will it always be great? Probably not. But every minute of moping, venting, holding grudges, or crying is a minute of happiness I can't get back. I want to make each day better than the previous day and also find a way to be happier the next day than I was the previous. President Monson said something similar to this, "Learn from the past. Prepare for the future. Live in the present." So, I think I'm going to follow his advice. What could it hurt?

Life

It's amazing how life doesn't always turn out how you think it will. Sometimes as you're struggling with everyday life begins to pass you by and you don't even realize it. Then you sit back and think how it is nothing like it was suppose to be. Maybe you took too many chances or maybe you didn't take enough chances. Regardless, you can't go back and change things. I honestly don't know if I would go back and change things if I could. I know the results of my choices and I am okay with where I am now in life. Not great, but okay. I don't know where I'd be if I'd made other choices and I like certainty. I like having a plan. It is okay if my life deviates from that plan, but at least I have an idea where I am going and how to get there. If I take a few detours along the way, that's okay. It is all about learning and growing. So yeah, every boy I've had a crush hasn't necessarily liked me back. I'm not friends with everyone that I thought I'd be friends with for forever. But like I said, it's okay. I learn and grow. Yeah, I am continually amazed about how things don't turn out like I expect them too. But, oddly enough, "It's all Good!"