Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Random Thoughts

I have to wonder why people even risk love at times. When you begin to date someone there is a fifty percent chance of failure. And that is if you don't account for all the other relationship failures in your life. Then when you do find someone to date, you seem to be closed off. You don't want to share your heart because you are so petrified of being rejected if they do not share theirs in return. The funny thing is, you probably put yourself at a higher risk of being rejected if you don't.
Then there is the concept of understanding both them and yourself. I have been alive for 25 years and I still feel like I don't understand myself. As a matter of fact, I think I understood myself better when I was five. I wonder what happened to the child I used to be? When did I grow up and begin to believe I knew what was best for not only myself, but for everyone else around me?
Back to the love thing. The thought of love weighs heavily on my mind. I am full of insecurities that I don't want anyone else to know about. I wonder when my prince charming will come and save me. You might ask who he'd be saving me from. He'd be saving me from myself. I can be one of the most stubborn, irradical, and self destructing people I know. I do all this while simple trying to protect myself.
Then at other times I feel like I can do things better on my own. Who needs a boy to constantly slow them down. I have hopes and dreams that can probably be done with or without a man. I don't know how fulfilling I would believe my life was though.
In short, I should probably spend more time living my life instead of thinking about the future. The problem is, I am a planner. I don't like the unexpected. I want to know about my future so I can plan explicitly for it and make goals to coincide with it. Life is messy though. If I keep trying to plan and prepare for my future, I might just loose my present to it!


Chare said...

Girl...Just live your life and every time you have the chance, LAUGH!! Try not to spend time being upset with life because when we do that, we can not get that time back. You are a great person and I know you have great things in store for you. I love you boo-monster!

Renee and Jake said...

PATIENCE....but I understand different frustrations we have in our life. Even love does happen, you still have the unexpected happen and can not plan for it. You are a great person with a lot to offer and if a guy is too much of an idiot to see past your guard and realize it then he is not good enough for you.

Sandra said...

Beck, I understand your blog better than most. But my thing is, I'm going to keep living my life. When I meet people, I'm putting 100% into it. And if that one doesn't work I'm going to put my 100% into the next. And that is all I can give. I love you and believe me, you will find what you are looking for and when you do all this other stuff will be the past. Remember to live your today so you can live your future.