"Things as They Really Are"

Go on, ask me how I am doing. I will say Fine. In the movie The Italian Job, fine stands for freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. That pretty much sums me up lately. Anyways, I've had a talk by Elder Bednar on my mind a lot recently. He gave a talk a few years back entitled, "Things as They Really Are." In the talk he discussed reality and virtual reality. I don't think by any means I am addicted to virtual gaming. However, the title of the talk really catches my attention. How am I suppose to know how things really are? Usually, I understand my perspective and think I understand other people's perspectives. However I realize that I could have the exact same experiences as someone else, but our realities could be completely different. Vision in itself is a truly amazing thing. From my understanding, we really don't see everything we think we see. We see something, and our brains fill in the rest. How do I even know I am seeing the exact same thing as the person beside me? It is impossible to know. Thus, I don't know if it is possible to really see "things as they really are."

Maybe I am going crazy or thinking about things too much. I have had a ton on my mind lately and it feels like I have interpreted so many things in my life wrongly. I hate being wrong. However, I think one thing that is worse than being wrong is having no definite answer on rather you are right or wrong. In short, it sucks.

That is the end of my little rant. In short, life is good and I am fine.

It goes on...

Life seems to be and endless struggle. Yet, it is also filled with smiles, tickle fights, and experiences I'll never forget. So, I got a little too courageous this weekend; I don't regret it. I finally asked the boy I had liked for forever why he never took me on a date. Although his answer was vague (something about "feelings"), I am totally okay with everything now. I realized that in reality he was a bad idea anyways. I am glad I am able to let that idea go and be open to new opportunities. It is amazing how many opportunities we give up at times because we keep waiting for one particular opportunity. I am not going to lie, at first I was bitter, mad, frustrated, liberated, and a bit devastated. Now, I feel more liberated than anything. However, part of me wishes things were different, but for the most part, I really am okay and I am over it. So, I keep telling myself that. Now, my main concern is awkwardness. I am probably the most awkward girl in the world and I don't even realize I am awkward until I reflect on different experiences. I know where to go from here, but at the same time, I am so stinking lost! I look forward to seeing my sisters. I know that they will have lots of insight for me. That is only 2 weeks away.

I also know that I deserve somebody who can feel for me and fully appreciate me. Thus, I am glad this little "crush" is over. Because I know that somewhere, there is an amazing gentleman out there who is capable of making me so happy. He might not be what I am looking for, but he will be exactly what I need. Until this young man comes into my life, I am going to live it up! So, maybe I should thank ole boy for never taking me out. He gave me the opportunity to explore so many other roads. I am sure some of them will be rough, but if we didn't have rough roads in life how would we learn to appreciate the smooth ones?